Gods,Monsters and all that Crap
by whomoi
Summary: You know those relationships, where one of the individuals is a nice,normal person, and the other is just a complete a-hole, and everybody wonders, " What's SHE doing with HIM?" Yeah, this is that, only it's Edward, so he can't be THAT bad...or can he?
1. The Beast

**Insert trite disclaimer here: Don't own Twilight or any of its characters, or Neil Young, or James Morrow, but if I could combine their brains into one glorious man, I'd probably orgasm spontaneously at the very sight of him. I'm not infringing; it's an homage, I swear. I do own the idea behind this story. If you plagiarize a FF, then you are the eternal supreme ruler of Losertown.**

_You're all just pissin' in the wind._

_You don't know it, but you are._

_And there ain't nothing' like a friend_

_Who can tell you you're just pissin' in the wind…_

_Ambulance Blues_- Neil Young

**EPOV**

" Hi!", a loud, high-pitched voice squeaked above me suddenly, startling me from my reverie. Great. It was Jessica "I-can't-take-a-hint-to-save-my-fucking-life" Stanley. Again. Apparently, the fact that I'd chosen an empty table in the far corner of the cafeteria, and was sitting with my back turned to the rest of the room, was clearly NOT enough of an indication that I preferred to be left alone. I sighed heavily before looking up to address her.

"Uh, hey."

" Whatcha doin?" I looked down at the open book in my hands, and then back up at her, pointedly, but as I mentioned, the girl was just clueless. She just stood there wide- eyed, waiting for my response. There was an awkward silence for about ten seconds before I finally gave up and responded, " Um, reading?"

" Oh." Her glossy pink lips turned down at the corners. " I HATE to read. Is it for class or something?"

" No."

" Well…, whatcha reading?"

" It's called _Towing Jehovah_ by James Morrow.

" Toe…what?"

_Sigh… " Towing Jehovah." _It's about a disgraced supertanker captain who's given the chance to redeem himself by transporting the decomposing body of God to its final resting place." _Wait for it…_

Jessica just stared for a moment, brows furrowed, and then said, " Oookaayy. Anyway, me and Lauren were just wondering if maybe you wanna come eat lunch with us, since, ya know, you're over here all by yourself and everything." She fluttered her eyelashes in way that was probably meant to look seductive.

Now, this is the part where I come across as a complete asshole.

" Jessica, how many times have you or one of your friends invited me to have lunch, or hang out, or whatever since school started?"

" Uh, well…."

" Forget the actual number; it doesn't even matter. The point is, one of you makes it a point to bug me at least once a day since school started a month ago, and in all of that time, when was the last time you recall me taking any of you up on the invitation?"

Jessica laughed uncomfortably and blushed. " Well, never, but ya know…"

" Right" , I interrupted, " NEVER. And why do you think that is?"

"Um…"

" You know, forget it. Just answer me this? Why do you want to hang out with me?

Jessica turned beet red, giggled, and rolled her eyes. " Well, um…"

" It's because you think I'm attractive, right?"

Jessica giggled and nodded, staring down at her feet.

" Yeah, that's what I figured. I mean, I get it. I know what I look like, and I see the reactions that I get . Between my looks, and my car, my money, and the clothes, I guess I must seem like a pretty good catch, but besides all of that superficial stuff, what else do you really know about me?"

" Um,…"

" Nothing. You know nothing about me, and judging by your reaction to my book here, I'm going to venture to guess that if we did waste any amount of time playing the whole " getting to know you" game, we'd probably discover pretty quickly that we have little to nothing in common. Now, if I were a real bastard, I'd just pretend to like you long enough to fuck you before dumping you and moving on to one of your friends, but the truth is, I'm just trying to get through the next two years in this Podunk town, and then I'm out of here, and the last thing I need or want is to get held up by some small town twit who's idea of " happily ever after" consists of two and a half kids, a golden retriever, and a white picket fence, so the next time you get the notion to mosey on over and interrupt my reading, do us both a solid and pretend I'm just an ugly fat kid, m'kay?"

Sometime during my speech Jessica's countenance had shifted from giggly embarrassment to apoplectic gaping. After a moment, she began to stutter in outrage, " You- you're just a jerk!", before doing an about face and stomping back from whence she came. I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that she didn't come back with something at least a little clever. She was pretty enough. They all were, but that was it. There was nothing there, no substance, and as depressing as the thought of two years of solitude was, the notion of having to tolerate their barrage of banal thoughts on a daily basis was even more depressing, not to mention that I had absolutely zero desire for a repeat of what my Dad calls " The Tanya Denali Incident." It's a long story, but I learned a valuable lesson from it. The Jessica Stanleys of the world don't care about what lies beneath the surface. They take one look at the pretty face, and then they just invent whatever persona suits them. They don't give a fuck about who I am or what I care about, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I truly were just some homely fat bastard, they'd never look twice. That's why even though maybe I should feel a little bad for making a 16 year old girl sprint away from me in tears, I really don't. I'd already been through this shit in Alaska, where I'd actually TRIED to make the best of things, to no avail. I'll never be the perfect " dream guy " of their mediocre imaginations, and occasionally, they need to be reminded of that.

" Spread the word!", I called out to her retreating back. Yeah, I'm an asshole, but at least I got my point across, finally. That was almost five months ago, and I haven't heard a peep from them since, and ya know, that suits me just fine. Maybe now I can actually get some fucking reading done.

**Yeah, my Edward's gonna be a bit of a prick, but he has some redeeming qualities, I think. He just needs to learn another valuable lesson. Maybe my Bella can teach him. Incidentally, no offense intended to fat people. I love fat guys, and skinny ones, and tall ones, and short ones, and bald ones, an hairy ones…..**


	2. Beauty?

**Disclaimer: Story, mine. Characters, not so much.**

**So, the first chapter was really short, but this one is pretty long. Bella just couldn't shut up…**

**BPOV**

Of course I noticed him when he walked into the cafeteria. He's impossible not to notice. It would be like trying to ignore a perfect ocean sunset or an illuminated stained glass window. There are some things that you just can't NOT notice, and I was transfixed as he made his way over to an empty table in the corner, looking pensive. Jessica's whiny voice to my left broke my hypnotic daze. " Don't even waste your time on him. Nobody here's good enough for HIM."

" So, who is he?", I asked.

"Edward Cullen. He and his family moved here from Alaska this past summer, and they're all like, REALLY weird."

"What do you mean?"

" Well, they're like, really super rich, and his WHOLE family lives together, even though his sisters are both grown , and they don't DO anything, like none of them have jobs or whatever, except for his Dad, who's a doctor. The rest of them just hang out spending his money I guess. I don't know, it's just WEIRD."

" Well, maybe they're just really close?" I'll admit, after having spent my entire life as the only child of divorced parents, the idea of one really big, close family held a certain amount of appeal for me.

" Ok, no one is THAT close to their family. That's just…"

" Weird?" I could almost hear the dead horse being beaten.

" Yeah, and like, they don't hang out with anyone in town. They don't even go to church or anything. They're completely antisocial., especially Edward. When school started, I like, went out of my way to be nice to him, even though his whole stuck- up ass family has gone out of their way to steer clear of the rest of us lowly citizens since they moved here. Lauren and I both tried to invite him to hang out with us, and he basically called us stupid and made fun of us for trying to be nice. I mean, who does that? After the last time I tried to talk to him, we just decided he wasn't worth the effort, so now he just sits by himself all day reading his stupid little novels that nobody else on the planet gives a shit about and ignoring everyone else. I mean, yeah, he's cute and all, but he's a totally deranged asshole, so, seriously, don't even waste your time trying to talk to him."

I just stared at her for a second and then nodded quickly, forcing myself to look down at the floor and away from the beautiful, mysterious recluse. " Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it." Little did she know, I wouldn't have been talking to her either if she hadn't essentially blindsided me during first period and held me captive with her endless onslaught of questions ever since. I've never been one to make friends easily. I like people, I guess, but I just don't seem to understand them most of the time, and they sure as hell don't get me. People often mistake me as quiet and shy, but in reality, I just don't have anything to add to a conversation that revolves around clothes or new music, or some hot new movie star, or reality shows. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with any of that stuff, necessarily. It's just not my thing. I looked around the table at Jessica's friends who had moved on from the enigma of Edward Cullen to some t .v. show that I'd never seen. Right now, they were all being nice to me and trying to include me, because right now, I was the new girl. I figured it would only take a couple of days for them to ferret out my inner freak, and they'd probably start ignoring me like the kids back in Phoenix did. I sighed quietly at this thought. _I f I could just meet ONE person like ME, I could be happy with that._ My eyes averted to the back of the beautiful boy, who was hunched over his book, oblivious. I wondered what book he was reading.

" So which one do you think is hotter, Bella?"

" Which what?" I had no idea what they'd been talking about. Jessica rattled off the names of two guys I'd never heard of. " I don't….who?"

" You know, from that reality show where they're all…" _Oh crap, here we go. I guess it's not going to take them even a couple of days to figure me out._

" I, um…" I stammered, turning beet red and desperately wishing I had the ability to become invisible as the whole table turned to stare at me expectantly._ Oh well, no way to avoid it now…_ " I, um, don't really watch t . v.".

They just all stared at me in disbelief. Jessica, who was apparently the spokeswoman of the group asked, " Like, at ALL?"

I shook my head. " My Mom's a teacher, and she always said that t. v. was just a pointless distraction, so we never had one when I was a kid, so…"

" So, what did you do?" This came from the blonde guy,….. Mike? I think.

" Uh, well, we read books, and painted, and listened to my Mom's old records and stuff. We went camping and hiking a lot, and took lots of day trips to museums and stuff. Oh, and we took classes together, like cooking and crocheting and stuff. My Mom's an English professor , so she's really into education and self- awareness and all that. I mean, we DID watch movies sometimes. There was this really neat little theater downtown that showed Independent and foreign films…" Yeah, I was losing them.

They all just stared at me for, like, a minute, before Jessica spoke up again. " So, you've NEVER watched a t. v. show?"

" Uh, not really. I mean, sometimes if I'm somewhere like the doctor's office, I'll watch whatever's on for a little while, but then I don't really know what's going on, so…"

" Wow. Well, don't you have a t. v. now that you're living with your Dad?" , asked Mike.

" Yeah, but when he's home, he mostly just watches baseball or football, or whatever , and I don't even think about watching it when I'm home alone. I mean, you can't miss what you never had." Well, that's not completely true. At times like this, I did sort of miss the idea of a normal life, of having the ability to just blend in naturally, of being able to avoid moments like this. It's not that I've ever disliked who I am. I just wish sometimes that I could avoid that look, that mixture of confusion and disdain, the look that people give you when they've just figured out that while you appear to be normal, that's just a façade; that moment when you just know you've been eternally dubbed "that weird girl." _Wait for it…. Yep there it is. Well, at least not everybody looks that way. Angela just looks a little shocked and Mike looks, well, confused. I guess that's..something._

Mike was the first to speak up. " Well, that does it then. I cannot, in good conscience, allow this fuckery to continue. I'm taking you to a movie. There's this new horror movie coming out on Friday and you have to come see it with me. It'll be awesome." Jessica whipped her head around from me to him, staring at him in outrage. I guess she wasn't too thrilled at his proposal. Before he could see her expression, she quickly pasted on a big fake grin and replied, " Yeah, WE should all totally go. I've been wanting to see that one for a while." Mike scoffed at her, " Uh, since when? I asked you to go see that movie like a week ago." You could almost see the wheels turning as she thought up a quick lie. " Well, I thought it would suck, but I heard somebody say it was really good, so now I wanna go see it." He raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but evidently decided against pressing the issue. He turned back to me and asked. " So how bout it, Arizona? You in or what?"

Now it was my turn to think up a quick lie. " Um, I don't think I can this Friday. I mean, I just got into town, like, two days ago, and I'm pretty sure my Dad has something planned for us the whole weekend."

In truth, Charlie did have plans for the whole weekend, with Billy Black and a bass boat. My actual plans involved unpacking and reading on the couch while I spent the whole weekend home alone. I just REALLY hate all the new horror movies. My Mom's new husband, Phil was really into them, and dragged us to a really gruesome one that left me having nightmares for weeks. My Mom and I differ in a lot of ways, but we both agree that watching people being slowly tortured to death by some lunatic in a mask is not how we want to spend a Friday night. The blood and guts are just way too realistic, and I, just, the very idea of it makes me woozy. Plus, I wasn't too thrilled about being thrust into the middle of some obviously unresolved issues between Mike and Jessica. Still, I almost felt bad as his face fell in disappointment. " Oh, well, maybe next time." It was pretty obvious that he was interested in me, and though I wasn't interested in him, I couldn't bring myself to tear him down completely in front of his friends, so I just shrugged and tried to smile, though I'm sure it probably looked more like an awkward grimace. Thankfully, the bell rang, giving me an excuse to make my getaway.

I hurried off to Biology, hoping to introduce myself to the teacher and find a seat before anyone else got to class. When I entered, the teacher was at his podium looking through his notes and as I looked around the classroom, I saw none other than _beautiful boy_, er, Edward Cullen sitting off to the left, yet again hunched over his novel, seemingly oblivious to my gawking. " You must be Miss Swan! " I started at the cheerful voice to my right. Too nervous to speak, I simply nodded the affirmative. " I'm Mr. Banner" , he continued, " Welcome to Biology." He handed me some papers. " Here's your syllabus and list of labs that we'll be doing this semester. We have assigned seating, but fortunately for you, the only available partner also happens to be the best student in the class, so you shouldn't have any trouble getting caught up to speed." He turned from me and called to Edward. " Mr. Cullen, I 'm afraid your days of flying solo have come to an end." Looking not a little irritated, Edward sighed heavily, looked up in our general direction briefly, moved his stuff over to his side of our shared table, and went back to reading without bothering to verbally acknowledge either Mr. Banner or myself. Taken aback, and a little embarrassed, I glanced up at Mr. Banner, who merely shrugged and offered me a small sympathetic grin before making his way back up to the podium._ I guess Jessica wasn't exaggerating. Oh well- two can play at that game. _I sat down and pulled my copy of _Troublemakers_ by Harlan Ellison out of my backpack and began to read as the other students started piling in. I didn't even get in two sentences before a shadow loomed above me.

" Watcha reading, Arizona?" asked Mike, cheerfully.

" Um, it's called _Repent Harlequin, Said the Ticktock Man_."

" Re…huh?", he asked with a confused grin.

" _REPENT __Harlequin, Said the TickTock Man. _It's a short story by Harlan Ellison.

" Yeah? What's that about?"

" Um, well, it's basically a dystopian story about a guy who dresses up in a clown costume and is essentially brainwashed as punishment for upsetting the status quo." _There, that was a fairly straightforward explanation, right?_ Judging by Mike's face, apparently not._ Ok, THERE'S the look I was expecting earlier. *Sigh* I guess it was only a matter of time. At least I won't have to make up more lies to get out of a date with him. _I couldn't help but be a little disappointed. He truly seemed like a good guy, and not bad to look at. It would've been nice to discover some hidden layers beneath his All- American exterior. _Oh well. _Mike laughed self-consciously as he seemed to search for a proper response. Coming up short, he half-heartedly attempted to fall back on inane banter. " Huh, well, that sounds…"

_Yeah, he's got nothing. Poor bastard._

Mercifully for Mike, the second bell rang. The relief on his face was almost palpable as he scurried away to his seat. I just sighed and shook my head, and faced the front of the class as Mr. Banner prepared to call roll. Suddenly, I could feel a pair of eyes boring into the side of my head. I looked sideways, warily, to find Edward staring at me intently. _Yep, sorry guy. Your new lab partner's a freak._ I could feel that godawful rush of blood to my cheeks and bit down on my lip, hard, in a futile attempt to will away the embarrassment creeping over me. When that didn't work, I faced forward, pulling a strand of hair over my face under the pretense of playing with it. Thankfully, his name was first on the roll, and he turned away as his name was called. Still, his very presence continued to make my heart feel like it would beat right out of my chest.

After roll call, Mr. Banner clapped his hands together and went into an enthusiastic spiel about the stages of mitosis. I barely heard a word of it. _A golden onion what?,_ I barely had time to wonder before he instructed us to grab a microscope from the shelf. _Oh great…we're working on a lab, with our PARTNER._ I was officially about to have a heart attack. Fortunately, Edward took the initiative and went over to get our microscope and slides, giving me a moment to pull myself together.

He returned fairly quickly, having ignored the line that the other students had unconsciously formed, barreling his way in front of them in order to secure the best microscope. Given the annoyed yet resigned faces of his classmates, it was obvious that this sort of behavior was entirely expected. When he turned back to our table, I looked down quickly, unwilling to be caught in the act of ogling. I could feel his eyes boring into the top of my head as he put down the microscope and slides. He cleared his throat, and I automatically responded by looking up. " Would you like to go first?" , he asked in smooth, quiet voice. My chest tightened as looked at him, making it impossible to speak, so I merely shrugged and nodded. I grabbed a slide and began setting up the microscope as he sat back down, still staring at me. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke again. " So, you finally got Newton to shut up. That's a pretty astounding feat." A snort of laughter escaped before I could reign it in, and I looked up at him, mildly shocked that he was actually making conversation with me. _Say something back moron!_

" Yeah. I guess most people find me pretty boring." _Excellent plan. Yes, let's encourage him to find you completely uninteresting. That's sure to win him over._

"Well, that's because most people are complete morons. You should take it as a compliment."

" Wow, that's…_kinda harsh_, um, well, I guess most people just don't like the same kind of things I do. I noticed you were reading earlier. What book is it? "

" Um, it's called _Johannes Cabal the Necromancer._ It's about a guy who sells his soul to Satan and then makes a wager with Satan to get it back by collecting a 100 other souls."

" Wow, sounds pretty hardcore."

" Actually, it's a comedy, really funny, and Johannes is actually a pretty decent guy underneath it all. I don't know. I always seem to be drawn to stories about redemption." He looked down at the table and huffed a small laugh.

" I know what you mean." I held up my book. " I love the anarchists of the literary world, and yet, I'm the least anarchistic person, like, ever ."

" I don't know about that. I mean, you don't seem to be afraid of being yourself, unlike all the sheep around here. I'd say that's pretty anarchistic."

I just shook my head quickly. " Yeah, but that's not like, an active choice on my part. I'm just a really shitty liar." He chuckled at this, as I continued, " Besides, it's not like I'll ever stand up to them when they go out of their way to make my life Hell for being weird. I mean, isn't a passive anarchist sort of an oxymoron?"

" I, uh, maybe?" He smiled. " Anyway, if you like anarchists, you'll love this book. Johannes is definitely not one to fall in line. I'll loan it to you."

" Thanks. That'd be great. So, I guess you and Johannes have something in common then."

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion. " You know, earlier when you…." _Oh crap, now HE'S giving you the look. ABORT!_ "Heh, you know what. Forget it." He just continued to look at me in confusion for a second before mercifully changing the subject.

" Well, I guess we better get on this stuff if we plan on claiming our victory over the entire class with a spray painted vegetable." I just giggled softly as we went to work. As he looked down at his slide, I eyed him speculatively. Where was the annoyed asshole from just ten minutes ago? I mean, yeah, he was kinda rude when he broke in line, but he was actually talking and being nice to me, and Jessica had made it pretty clear that he never talked to _anyone, _let alone struck up pleasant conversation. I just didn't know what to make of him.

Five minutes later, we were done. " Well, that was fast.", Edward stated as he returned from turning in our paper, onion in hand.

" Yeah, I did that lab when I was a Freshman back in Arizona."

" Yeah, me too, well, back in Alaska, but yeah. So, why did you move to Forks?"

" Well, my Mom remarried, and Phil, her husband, travels a lot, and she was unhappy being left at home all the time, so I came here."

" What, like, voluntarily?" I nodded. " Wow, that kind of selfless of you. Did you not like the guy or something?"

" No, I mean, Phil's fine. It's just…I don't know. It's always just been my Mom and me, and she's always been very specific about the way we lived. I mean, while other kids were eating pepperoni pizza and playing video games, I was sitting in on book discussions about _Pride and Prejudice _and eating veggie burgers. And, I mean, I'm good with that. It was good, and then, out of the blue one day, my Mom gets a flat tire, and this 23 year old baseball player swoops in and comes to her rescue and suddenly she's out eating chicken wings and drinking beer with him and his friends on a Wednesday, and I mean, it's fine, but it's really not my thing, at all, so, in a way, I guess she and I have sort of just grown apart, you know? I mean, I'm fine with it. She spent so much time alone while she was raising me. Her whole life was about me, and now that I'm an adult, I think she deserves to be happy. Besides, I should probably at least attempt to get to know Charlie, my Dad, before I move away to college. So, this is a good thing, I think."

" Wow. Are you sure you're only 17?" I just laughed and shrugged. Then I asked, " Well, what about you? Why did you move here?"

" Well, I don't think I've handled the transition as gracefully as you, but I was never really given an option. My Dad is a surgeon, and he likes to move around, donating his time and money to small towns in order to ensure that the local hospitals are up to date and everything. He also does a lot volunteer organizing for the clinic at the local reservation."

" Wow, that's really noble. It sounds like your Dad is a pretty great guy."

" Yeah, my parents are basically the best people I've ever known. I'm really lucky in that regard. They only downside is, we tend to move quite a bit and my family's, well, kinda different, so I don't ever really seem to have a lot in common with most people."

" Yeah, I know how that feels. At lunch, I was telling everyone how I've never really watched television, and they, like, totally freaked. It was like I'd told them I was a really a guy or something."

Edward snorted, and asked, " Wait, you're not, right?" I elbowed him in the arm and giggled. Yeah, I was flirting a little. Who wouldn't? " I mean, that's fine if you are…"

" Shut up, Edward.", I laughed.

" Ok, don't take this the wrong way, but you just don't seem very sheltered for someone who wasn't allowed to watch t . v."

"What do you mean?"

" Well, typically, when you think of someone who's never been exposed to pop culture, they're like, reading the Bible and crocheting in their free time with their 15 brothers and sisters, and you're all cussing like a sailor and joking about being a transvestite. It's just, your just so entirely….other.", he said softly with a crooked grin.

His smile made my heart drop to my toes. No one should look like that. It's just not fair, but beyond that, I don't think I've ever had so much to say to anyone I'd ever met, aside from my Mom. Instead of the shy, reticent girl I normally was, suddenly, with him, I was joking and laughing and totally at ease, and it had nothing to do with his pretty face. Even if he'd been fat and pimply with glasses, I think I could've carried on a conversation with him for hours. In that moment, I was certain that this boy could say absolutely anything to me, and as long as he said it in that voice, with that grin, I'd absolutely melt, not that I'd ever tell HIM that, but still. " I think I'll take that as a compliment."

" You should, that's how it was intended."

" Oh" Yep, anything. _Holy crap, did my nipples just harden? Damn it, here comes the blush again._ I bit down hard on my lip in an attempt to divert the blood flow, but the tell-tale tingle crept across my cheeks anyway. I hate blushing. It's so embarrassing to be completely physically incapable of disguising your emotions. Somehow, Edward seemed to sense that my embarrassment was on the verge of creating an emotional lockdown, so he started teasing me again.

" So, why are you so weird anyway?" I couldn't help but laugh.

" Not watching t. v. hardly makes me sheltered, and my Mom is HARDLY the super religious type, and it's not like I grew up on a compound in the desert. Mom's a college professor, so I was always around other professors and grad students. I mean, Phoenix is a decent sized city, so there was no shortage of interesting people to meet and things to do. It was nothing to come home to a living room full of middle aged people smoking a joint and discussing world events. It wasn't that my Mom was trying to keep me from learning about the world, she just thought it was better to focus on living life rather than just watching other people doing it. She was always taking us to museums, and independent films, and all of these random sightseeing tours. When the weekend came, we were on the road. I didn't even have time to miss t. v. . It was certainly never boring." I swear, I think that's the most I've ever said to one person at one time. When I finished, I looked up to see him staring at me with a bemused expression. " What?", I asked. He blushed, looked down at the table, slightly shaking his head before his entire face lit up in a sideways grin. " Nothing."

_God, that's the sexiest smile I've ever seen. I bit down on my lip for an entirely different reason. As I stared at him, I knew I'd give almost anything to be able to see him smile like that every day._


	3. Singing a Different Tune

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do own a big fat tortoise shell cat named " The Dude", cuz he abides, and that's about all the hell he does. I think he's holding down the back of the couch right about now. He's sedentary to the point of being almost completely ornamental, more of a decoration than a pet, really. He really holds the room together.**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's actually reading this thing, and double thanks to all ya'll that added it to your faves. Quite frankly, I'm kind of amazed that anyone's reading it at all. I hope you continue to like it.**

_The book of love is long and boring_

_No one can lift the damn thing_

_It's full of charts and facts and figures_

_And instructions for dancing_

_But I_

_I love it when you read to me_

_And you_

_You can read me anything- The Book of Love_, Peter Gabriel

**EPOV**

I can't pretend it was love at first sight. I can't even really say that I noticed her at first. I mean, I saw her, as much as I see anyone else, which isn't saying a whole lot. There was nothing extraordinary about her looks. She wasn't unattractive, but she wasn't exactly some ethereal beauty either. From across the room, at a glance, all I really noticed was her long brown hair and the faded, oversized army surplus jacket that engulfed her small frame. As she walked towards my table, I avoided further scrutiny by pretending to read my book, my only thought being, _Damn, now I'm gonna have to share my table. _I'd like to say that the first time I saw Bella Swan, I was blown away, that when she walked into the class room for the first time, I was struck senseless as the breeze from the small fan at Banner's podium gently wafted her delicate scent in my direction, driving me wild with desire as every cell in my body honed in on the girl that was destined to be the love of my life, but that's not what happened at all, because shit like that only happens in crappy romance novels or movies, or if you're crazy. So, definitely NOT love at first sight…. That part came about fifteen minutes later.

We were both pretty successful at pretending to ignore each other at first, both of us fake- reading our books and steadfastly avoiding eye contact. I glanced over at her book, trying to figure out what she was reading, but she had the cover face-down. _Probably some stupid girly shit_, I scoffed internally. I was sitting there wondering how long I could actually avoid talking to her, and praying to God she wasn't a giggler when Newton appeared and began his awkward yammering. If he wasn't such a clueless douche bag, I might've actually felt a little sorry for him. It was SO painfully obvious that he was flirting with her, and as soon as she began speaking, if was even more painfully obvious that she was WAY out of his league. This girl was smart, and fuck me if she wasn't reading one of my all time favorite stories.

If anyone had told me that Harlan Ellison would play a key role in altering the very fabric of my existence, well, I wouldn't have been surprised at all, really, cuz the guy's a fucking genius, but I never in a million years could've pictured it happening the way it did. Then again, I also never imagined in a million years that I'd ever encounter a chick in Forks, of all places, who might actually be able to _get _me. It was so weird. One second, I was laughing quietly to myself at the idea of getting a front row seat as Newton went down in flames, and the next second, when I actually began to process what she was saying, my whole world turned on it's axis. She had me at _dystopian. _

She probably thought I was nuts, staring at her the way that I was, but after witnessing her sending that walking fucking cliché scurrying off to his seat like a frightened little chipmunk, I was mesmerized. And the thing is, she wasn't even trying to get rid of him. It was pretty obvious from her tone that she'd had this conversation before and the she knew exactly how it was gonna turn out, but instead of getting all pissed off at the intrusion like I would've, she just replied calmly, and then didn't even get annoyed when he scampered off. Instead, she just sighed silently, shaking her head, like she was disappointed or something. I didn't know what to make of it, so I just stared at her like an idiot, as if the side of her face contained some clue that would help me unravel the mystery of what had just occurred.

As I stared, I couldn't help but notice that she was a lot more attractive up close. She was actually really pretty, maybe not in that over the top, supermodel way like Rose or Alice, but definitely more attractive than most of the girls around here. She just seemed to go out of her way to downplay it. That jacket she had on was seriously fucking ugly and way too big for her, hiding her shape underneath, and she didn't seem to be wearing any makeup, but her skin was beautiful. It was pale and soft-looking. Her hair was a nice reddish brown color, really long and wavy. She looked very…touchable.

I realized that I'd been staring for an inappropriately long time when she gave me a sideways glance just before her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink that seemed to travel down her neck and into…that big ugly ass jacket. _Damn it. _And, yeah, maybe the scent of her hair wafted over me a little when she picked up a strand to cover that beautiful blush, and maybe the scent was delicate, and maybe my dick got a little hard as I breathed in her sweet, fruity, well, _girl_ fragrance, and maybe I sort of started imagining what she would smell like lying stretched out in the sun in the meadow with that beautiful hair draped across my legs as she lay with her head in my lap, reading to me while I distractedly ran my fingers through her silken strands….

" Edward Cullen?" Banner calling roll snapped me out of my fantasy. " Here!", I answered back, probably more crossly than I should have. I'll admit that it was probably a good thing that he interrupted my train of thought when he did, but seriously, why in the hell do teachers call roll out loud? I mean, they know your name well enough to call on you to answer a question, especially when they catch you reading a novel that you have hidden behind your text book, so why the fuck do they feel the need to call your name out loud at the beginning of every class, reading you off their checklist anonymously like they've never spoken to you a day in their life? It just seems like one of those pointlessly regimented things that "adults" do in order to exert their so called authority. Anyway…

So yeah, I fell, hard, and truth be told, I was a little pissed about it for a minute, which is why I didn't even notice the line forming as everyone went to get microscopes until I'd already walked over and grabbed one, so I just played it off like I did it on purpose. One of the perks of being the town asshole is people just expect you to do shit like that, and it's not like the majority of them would ever have the balls to call me on it anyway. Sheep. Anyway, falling in love in Forks was definitely not a part of my after-graduation plans, to say the least, and I'd nearly ruined those plans once already, and damned if I wasn't getting ready to do it all over again. Only, as I walked back towards her, I couldn't help but stare down at her sweet blushing face, eyes downcast on her book, and wonder whether some of my plans could be rearranged. After all, she was certainly no Tanya Denali, who wouldn't have been caught dead reading anything voluntarily, let alone Harlan Ellison. Hell, most people under the age of 50 don't even know who he is, and, well, neither do most people over the age of 50 , truth be told. So, what are the fucking odds that a relatively hot girl, my age, in a town with a population of less than 2000, would be reading the very same somewhat obscure book that I'd read just a month ago? I'm not really one to believe in fate and destiny and all that shit, but I had a feeling that if it existed anywhere in the world, then it was sitting right in front of me, pretending to read as I approached our table. My chest tightened as my gut told me that I'd never meet anyone like her ever again.

My little epiphany made deciding what my first words to her should be a little difficult. I'm not much of a conversationalist at the best of times, so this was stressing me out, to say the least. _Man up, pussy! _For some fucked up reason, my inner monologue had taken on a distinctly Emmett-esque tone, but fucked up or not, I couldn't help but agree. Now was not the time to start acting like a little bitch. There was no way I was about to scare off the one person in this fucking place that I actually wanted to talk to._ Just talk to her like a normal person, Edwina!_ Sure thing, little Emmett. I seriously had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth after I nervously cleared my throat, but as she looked up at me with those huge brown eyes, all the tension in my body just melted away, or rather, it transformed into something that I couldn't quite place, but suddenly, the words came easily. " Would you like to go first?"

After that, it was easy. Hell, easy is a vast understatement. It was… just fucking perfect. I'll admit, I did fib a little and feign confusion when she mentioned the whole me breaking in line thing. I know it was an asshole move, and I genuinely felt bad when she got embarrassed, but I couldn't very well having her realizing the full scale of my asshole tendencies all at once. I'd ease her in slowly, sort of a sneak attack, as it were.

We did our irritatingly easy little lab, won that stupid fucking onion, which I would later be cracking open and hiding in Rose and Em's closet, because I'm just a bastard like that, and we talked, mostly about her, because I wasn't sure if she was quite ready for the traveling circus sideshow that was my family. Although, as we talked and I found out more about her upbringing with her Mom, I felt pretty confident that she'd be capable of rolling with the punches when it came time to meet the folks, and that is a very big deal to me. I know these fuckers around here think that my family is made up of a bunch of rich assholes, but they don't know even part of the story, and the truth is, if they got to know us, they'd be the ones turning away from us. We'd been through that before, too. My family is a little different from others, and maybe that's what makes us closer, but whatever the reason, we love and protect each other fiercely, and I would never bring anyone around who couldn't understand that.

Bella's reactions were perfect. She complimented my Dad, which made my heart swell, because I knew damn well she'd probably gotten an earful from the shit heads around here. I'm antisocial, not deaf. She laughed when I jokingly called her weird instead of getting all bitchy and offended, and when I complimented her, she didn't giggle and start going on about herself ad nauseum. Instead, she blushed self-consciously. True humility and goodness is a really rare occurrence. God knows I'm neither of those things. I know I'm an asshole, but at least I can admit it. Most people like to think of themselves as essentially good, but they're full of shit. People are selfish, and mean, and petty, and worst of all, they're hypocrites who deceive themselves into believing that they're completely justified in all of the selfish, mean, petty shit they do to each other. A person who is truly good, through and through, is generally the stuff of fiction. When I called her entirely other, I wasn't exaggerating. There's no other way to describe her, and I knew as I stared at her sweet blushing face that I'd stay with her for as long as she'd have me. Now, I just had to make sure she actually liked me before she had time to figure out what a dickhead I could be. I knew I didn't have a lot of time. I had to get her on my side before Newton and his band of merry morons turned her against me, so I figured I might as well start today.

" So, um, do you wanna maybe hang out after school today?" , I stuttered. Yeah, I know I'm pretty and I usually don't have any trouble getting girls to say yes to me, but this particular girl didn't react to anything in the "normal" way, and at this particular moment, the very thing that I liked about her was the very thing that was presently scaring the hell out of me. She just stared at me, I swear, for like a minute with her mouth open a little, before replying, " Uh, yeah, ok. What did you want to do?"

" Well, there's not much to do, but we could maybe go to the diner for coffee and pie, compare reading lists or whatever. I'm pretty sure there'll be some old guys playing checkers in the corner. That could get interesting." She giggled at that.

" Yeah, ok. Um, I know this is weird, but I kinda need to go to the grocery store. Apparently, my Dad thinks we can live off of pop tarts and beer.

" Um, yeah, my sister's boyfriend is living proof that you can, in fact, live off of pop tarts and beer, but I'd be glad to go with you. I don't think I've ever been to the grocery store before."

" How is that even possible?", she laughed.

" Well, my Mom usually takes care of that. She goes to Seattle once a month and gets most of our stuff there, I think."

" Wait, your Mom drives all the way to Seattle for groceries? That's…wow. That must takes a lot of effort."

I shrugged. I'll admit that I actually had no idea how my Mom kept us all fed. I show up, food is there, and that's good enough for me. " Yeah, like I said, my parents are pretty great."

" Well, if you don't mind tagging along for my errands, then yeah, it'll be fun."

" Ok, great!"

" Yeah." Fuck, now it was getting awkward. _Probably should've held off until the bell rang, dumbass. Now you're both just stuck staring at each other._ We both just kind of sat there, shuffling around and laughing nervously.

" So, this is pretty awkward." I had to laugh at her honesty.

" Um, yeah, it kind of is."

" So, I guess we better think of stuff to talk about over coffee later so this doesn't happen again."

" Well, I figured we could go into a little more detail about you hanging out and smoking pot with a bunch of older women. I bet that got kinda freaky."

Bella laughed, " Shut up, Edward."

" What, I'm serious." I winked. Yeah, I was flirting, a lot. I figured it couldn't hurt. Thankfully the bell finally rang before I could make more of an ass of myself. We gathered our stuff together and agreed to meet in the parking lot after school. She agreed to let me keep our onion with a quirked eyebrow and a grin, and I had to force myself to say goodbye at the entrance to the gym, instead of grabbing her and kissing that grin off her face. I walked away from her in a daze.

It's a good thing I already spoke Spanish, because no possible way I was going to be able to focus on that shit today.

**A/N: I'm not planning on doing every chapter from both POV's, but it seemed important to get each of their takes on their first meeting, so that you could get to know them as they get to know each other. I'm also going to start deviating from canon a little more after this chapter. If you can't tell, I love Harlan Ellison, I mean, not in an Annie Wilkes kinda way, but he's my favorite. I first read **_**Repent, Harlequin! Said the Ticktockman**_** 10 years ago in my friend's AmLit102 textbook( cuz I'm a dork and I read other peoples' textbooks for fun) and it's still my favorite story to date. If you've never heard of him, I highly recommend him. You can find all of his stuff on Amazon. All of the books in this story are just books that I have lying around my house, and I'd highly recommend all of them. **


	4. Getting to know you  Part 1

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, and apropos of nothing, if " Damn, Nature! You Scary!" was actually a real t. v. show, I would totally watch it.**

**BPOV**

" What the fuck is this?", Edward laughed, pointing at Big Red.

" Um, it's a truck." _Ass_

" What did you do, jack an old guy before you came to school this morning?"

" Shut up! My Dad gave it to me." , I laughed. Yeah, Big Red was ugly and old as hell, but at least she had character.

" How is this even mobile? You realize that if we were in a third world country, this thing would be gutted and used as an ox wagon."

" Shut up. You'll hurt her feelings!", I said, trying to keep a straight face.

" HER? No fucking way. I'm sorry, but nothing this hideous could possibly have feelings. If it does, then we should push it off the cliffs at La Push. That would be the only humane thing to do."

I just shook my head, laughing, and opened the door to get in.

" God, WHAT is that smell? It smells like Wild Turkey, Marlboros and spoiled salami in there. Have you checked to see if the original owner is stuffed under the seat?" I just shook my head and got in the truck.

" Ok, smartass, just follow me home, and then you can chauffer me around in your stupid shiny car."

" Stupid…pshh. We'll see how stupid you think it is when your ass hits those built in seat warmers."

" Yeah, whatever. See ya at my house.", I said, closing the door in his face. Actually, built in seat warmers sounded really nice right about now. Not that I would ever admit that to him, but still.

The drive back alone gave me time to think about what Mike said to me in P. E. after Edward dropped me off at the door :

" What the hell did you do to Cullen, Arizona?"

" What do you mean?"

" I mean, I didn't even know that asshole was capable of smiling, and you had him giggling like a little girl in Biology. What, did you like, slip him a hash brownie or something?"

I laughed. " Um, no, we were just talking and stuff. He was… nice."

" Nice? Uh uh. Cullen is NEVER nice. He made Lauren Mallory fucking CRY, just for talking to him, and Lauren is like a total fucking bitch. All the other girls are afraid of her, and she ran away from him in tears."

I stared at him incredulously, which he responded to by saying, " No shit, Swan. I couldn't even make something like that up. Ask Jessica. She'll probably tell you if you can catch her away from Lauren, who STILL refuses to talk about it, I might add."

I shook my head. " No, I believe you, I guess. It's just, he was really nice to me. We talked about the books we were reading and stuff, and he was just really polite."

" Yeah, okay, if he's being polite, it's probably just because he wants to nail you."

Ok, I had a problem with that statement on SO many levels. " What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Mike raised an eyebrow and looked at me like I was crazy. " Seriously? C'mon, Arizona. You're hot, you're the new girl, the 'shiny new toy'…" He actually used finger quotes.

"Huh, so is that why you're being nice to me?"

At that, he turned red and sputtered, " NO! I mean, yeah, I think you're hot, but that's not the only reason I'm being nice to you…."

" So, if you thought I was ugly, would you still be over here teaching me how to play badminton while imparting your sage wisdom?"

" Uh…"

" Yeah, that's what I thought.", I laughed. " So, how exactly does that make you any different from him?"

" Well, I'm not just looking for a quick fuck."

" Well, how do you know that he is?"

" Because the guy's a complete asshole, and that's what complete assholes do."

" Okay…but Jessica told me that he doesn't have anything to do with anyone here, male or female, so how does that make him a philandering asshole?"

" Well, maybe he's just a regular asshole, but TRUST me, he's definitely that, and a fucking freak to boot. From what I hear, his whole family is just…"

" Weird? Yeah, Jessica filled me in on that little rumor pretty thoroughly. But, um, you do realize that I'm not exactly normal either."

" Yeah, but you're not an asshole about it, so it's cool. I mean, you should still let me take you to the movies and stuff, cuz, ya know, NEVER going to the movies or watching television is just …wrong, but I don't mind that you're kind of a book nerd."

I rolled my eyes. " Oh, well, gee, thanks for your approval, I guess." Mike just chuckled.

" Seriously, though, Arizona? Be careful with that guy. I wouldn't want him making the rest of us look bad. I'd hate to see you get dicked over and then walk around for the rest of the year being all emo and shit."

I laughed and nodded. " Yeah, I appreciate your concern, but so far, he's been nothing but nice to me, and I can't just snap to judgment about him before I have all the facts, ya know?"

Mike nodded. " I guess I can understand that. I mean, I don't agree with it, at all, but it's your choice. Just let me know if I need to beat his ass for you, ok?" I just laughed and shook my head.

About that time, Coach yelled across the gym in our direction, " Newton! Swan! Ya know, holding the racquets while you two stand there gossiping like old ladies is not actually considered _playing_ badminton. I wanna see that birdie in the air!" That pretty effectively ended our conversation.

I sighed as I rolled to a stop in front of my house. I knew that I'd eventually have to address Edward's whole "antisocial asshole" thing, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to let the issue cloud our first date. _Wait, is this a date? Does HE think so? He didn't actually SAY the word date. Maybe…_ My paranoid internal rambling was interrupted by Edward tapping on the window. " What are you doing in there, Granny? Let's shag ass!"

I opened the door. " Granny?"

" Yeah, because you drive seriously fucking slow."

" The speed limit on this street is 35. I was doing 40. You know, those speed limits are posted for a reason."

" Exactly. Granny."

" Whatever dude. You're the one tooling around in the Dadmobile. Maybe we should get you some Dockers and a pair of wraparound sunglasses from the gas station."

Edward laughed. " Oh yeah? Maybe I could just borrow some from your Dad." I snorted.

" You know, you totally could." We both laughed .

" Yeah well, my Dad gave me my car too, and he's a doctor and all, so safety first and all that shit." He opened my door for me and I climbed in. I have to admit, it's a really nice car. I tried not to moan as I leaned into the warmth of the leather seats, but Edward caught it anyway as he was getting in.

" SEE? Told you so. A warm ass, one of the many perks of hanging out with me." Naturally, perv that I am, my mind took his remark to an entirely different place, which was quickly made evident by my cheeks turning bright red._ Damn it!_ As Edward took in my expression, his eyebrow quirked in question and his eyes took on a mischievous glow. _Quick, think of something to say!_

" So what's this I hear about pie?" Edward chuckled at my pitiful diversion and turned the car towards the diner.

We got there in about three seconds, me clutching the armrest and praying that my Dad was nowhere near, and Edward laughing at me. As we pulled in to the diner, I gave him the stink eye and snapped, " Yeah, just for that, I'm ordering two pieces of pie…and a milkshake."

Edward laughed again. " Order whatever you'd like, but if you start barfing in the car, you're walking home."

" Whatever. If I started barfing, it would only be due to gravity pushing my stomach into my throat as we break the sound barrier."

" Calm down, Granny. I'll make sure and stop off at the Walgreens and get you some Alka-Seltzer."

" Ok. Maybe they'll have some of those sunglasses you like. We could probably grab you and extra pair of fake Crocs while we're there too."

" Sounds good." He smiled, holding the door for me.

We sat down and ordered our pie and coffee. I got cherry a la mode while Edward got this giant chocolate/ cool whip monstrosity covered in nuts and chocolate syrup with a cherry on top. He, like, actually sighed when the waitress put it down in front of him.

I couldn't help but laugh at his childlike exuberance over the fluffy concoction. " What the hell IS that?"

" This is Triple Hot Fudge Sundae pie, small town diner fare at it's finest. Esme hates it when I eat shit like this. You want a bite?"

I snorted, " Uh, nah, I'm good. Who's Esme?"

" My Mom. She's really into the whole organic, no preservatives in your food kinda thing, so it really bugs her when I eat this stuff."

" Yeah, mine too, but I think it's fine every now and then. I think my Dad probably eats lunch here, like, every day…. Man, that thing is the size of your head. I think you're gonna be the one needing the Alka-Seltzer."

" Nah, it's mostly whipped cream and graham crackers, no big deal."

" I have to say, I'm surprised. You didn't strike me as the fancy fluffy pie type. I had you pegged more as a straight-up, no frills, apple pie kinda guy. You know, manly pie."

He looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and a huge mouthful of pie and garbled, " You mean, this isn't manly?" I huffed a laugh and shook my head.

He swallowed his bite, unaware of a bit of whipped cream at the corner of his mouth, and said, " Well, I'M not sure that any sort of pie can actually be considered 'manly', really, but like you said, it's huge. No mere woman would be able to tackle this thing."

I laughed, " Yeah whatever, He-man. Um, you've got a little…", I pointed to the corner of my mouth.

Edward swiped his left thumb across the corner of his mouth and wiped off the cream. My heart stopped for a second when his tongue darted out a little as he sucked the pad of his thumb into his mouth. I bit my lip as my face flamed. Luckily, Edward was too engrossed in his pie to notice, and I took the opportunity to just stare at him for a minute. He really was beautiful, and as he sat there shoveling pie into his face like a little kid, I could almost imagine that he was sweet. Then, of course, he spoke.

" So, aside from my unmanly dessert, what other misinformation have you collected about me today?", he asked in a voice that made it perfectly clear that he was aware that the other kids gossiped about him. I snorted and nodded a little in acquiescence.

" Yeah, you know, for hating you so much, they sure did spend a lot of time talking about you today."

" They being…"

" Mike and Jessica. I got the full, unsolicited mind you, unauthorized biography of Edward Cullen over lunch today."

" Oh yeah? I'm curious to hear about what those two morons think they know."

" Hmm, well, let's see. Jessica thinks you and your whole family are really weird, and that you think you're too good to hang out with them. Mike also thinks you're weird and an asshole. Oh, and he thinks you're just being nice to me so that you can quote, 'nail' me." I figured I'd just throw it all out there at once and see what kind of reaction I got. I really expected him to get pissed at the things they said and deny everything. Instead he just stared at me with a strange expression and asked,

" What do you think?" I looked down at the table and paused for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

" I like to make up my own mind about people."

" And?"

" And…other than the fact that you drive too fast, and you've got chocolate on your nose, so far, so good."

He laughed and started rubbing his nose. " Did I get it?"

" No, more to the left."

" My left or yours?"

" Um, yours."

" Now?"

" Uh uh… more… down." He felt further down, and then raised an eyebrow.

" Are you fucking with me?"

" Uh huh.", I grinned.

" Careful, little girl. Don't make me unleash the beast."

" Oh yeah, that reminds me about the other thing they said." I hesitated for a moment, unsure whether I should really ask. " Did you really make Lauren Mallory cry?"

He actually looked a little sheepish at that question. " Well, yeah, but she totally deserved it."

" Why?"

" The girl is just a total bitch, and a bully. She's like the stereotypical, blonde, bitchy cheerleader who gets off on making other people feel like shit. I try to avoid all that shit, but sometimes it's just impossible. I see her in class, making fun of the people she calls her friends, and just being an asshole in general. Anyway, I guess she thought it would be funny to trick Angela Webber into writing a note admitting that she liked me, and then giving it to me. It was like a cheesy scene from a bad 80's movie. I guess she figured I'd make fun of Angela or something, so she gave me the note, laughing the whole time about how pathetic it was that Angela thought she'd ever have a chance with me. The whole thing was so stupid, and it really just pissed me off, so I told her, basically, that she was an idiot, and that she was wasting her time trying to be Ms. Popularity because when it was all said and done, the only thing anyone would remember about her ten years from now was that she was just the bitter daughter of the town whore who spent all of her time trying make other people miserable to compensate for the fact that she's ugly in a way that no amount of makeup could ever hide."

I think my chin must have hit the table. " Wow. You actually told her that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. And you know what she said to me? She said, 'I'm NOT UGLY', and then stomped off crying. She wasn't even upset about the whole her Mom being a whore thing. She was upset because she thought I was actually saying she was physically ugly. I mean, how fucking stupid and shallow can a person be?"

" So, um, how do you know her Mom is a whore?"

" You mean besides the rampant rumors and the fact that she wears skirts so short, you can see what color her underwear is when she bends over?"

" Um, yes?"

" Well, she works here, and she kind of came on to me one day."

" Shut up."

" I'm serious! I was just sitting here minding my own business, reading my book and eating my pie, and she told me that her pie was better than anything I'd ever get here and that I should stop by her place one evening and try some."

" Well, maybe she's just really proud of her pies.", I replied in mock seriousness.

Edward laughed. " Yeah, uh huh."

" So, why didn't you, er, 'try the pie'. I mean, isn't that supposed to be the fantasy of every teenage boy or something?"

" Well, maybe if her tits weren't so saggy that they practically fell into my coffee while she was talking to me…"

I held up my hands to stop him right there. " I could've lived forever without that mental picture."

" Me too, believe me."

" Ok, well I'm done eating now. You ready to explore the wonders of the super market?"

Edward snagged a twenty out of his wallet and tossed it on top of the check and made to leave.

" Um, I think we're supposed to pay at the register."

" Nah, the waitress will get it."

I tried to give him my half of the check and he just looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

" You wanna repay me for the pie, then put that money towards a new car payment, because seriously, I'm going to have nightmares about that fucking beast you're driving."

" Seriously? Are we STILL talking about the truck?" Edward just laughed, and I decided that I didn't feel bad about letting him pay at all.

**A/N: "Getting to know you" is going to be a two-parter, and I've pretty much got that written, so I'll publish it in a couple of days. I'm going to try to limit my posts to once a week for the most part, mostly so I don't get burnt out on the whole process, but some of the later chapters are already written, so it may happen more frequently. I dunno. I just really have fun with the dialogue between these two, and sometimes, they just won't shut up. That whole "Dockers and the gas station sunglasses" is my tribute to " A Dad's Life" rap. You can google it. It's on you tube, and it's hilarious.**


	5. Getting to know youPart duh

**A/N: Ok, here's part duh. I see I have several more readers who've put me on alert, so thanks. Feel free to leave me tips and pointers, because I'm basically winging it here and have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Oh yeah, AND, Still don't own it. **

**BPOV**

" So, do you really think you're gonna be able to hide all of that stuff from your Mom?" Upon entering through the sliding doors of the supermarket, Edward made a beeline to a display rack placed at the entrance that was essentially a shrine to junk food. After staring at it in awe for about ten seconds, he did a 180 and made his way back to the lobby for his very own shopping cart, which he then proceeded to fill with various chips and snack cakes.

" Hell no. That's why I'm gonna keep it at your house." _Wait. Wha…?_

"Come again?"

" Yeah, I mean, there's no way I could keep this shit anywhere near my house, because my Mom would just chuck it in the garbage if she found it. Besides, my brother-in-law and my sister's stoner boyfriend can hear the crinkle of a fucking potato chip bag from a mile away. I'd never be able to keep it a secret from them, and they'd just fucking take it. So yeah, you're gonna hide my stash."

" You realize that when my Dad sees this stuff, he's going to eat it. I mean, I can't very well tell him that he can't eat the food in his own cupboard because it belongs to someone else."

" Hmmm, Good point. I guess I better buy extra then." He added four more bags of chips and two more boxes of snack cakes to the already mostly full cart.

" So, where have you been hiding it 'til now?"

" Nowhere. I just eat in the diner or in the convenience store parking lot. I eat a fair amount of crap at school, too." I stifled a laugh at the mental image of Edward hiding behind the convenience store, shoving down Twinkies like they were his own personal brand of heroine.

" Ok, how do you not weigh 300 lbs?" We were currently making our way down the frozen food isle, where Edward kept stopping to look.

" I run a lot…Holy shit! Look, little frozen cheeseburgers!" He grabbed four boxes.

" I'm like, totally enabling you right now." I tried to sound disapproving, but I was secretly thrilled that he was giving himself a reason to show up at my house every day.

" Nah, you're just keeping me off the streets so I don't get accosted by old whores with saggy boobs."

" I thought we agreed never to speak of that again!"

" Did we?"

" Didn't we? Well, consider it a given."

Edward stopped in front of the frozen pizza case, and I swear a little tear came to his eye.

" There's so many different kinds", he whispered, with a touch of awe. " How do I pick?"

" Well, my Dad seems to like the little cheap ones in the red box the most. I'm pretty sure they're the absolute least nutritious." Edward grabbed about ten of them.

" Whoa, there. Our freezer is never gonna hold all of that." Edward frowned at me with puppy dog eyes.

" Look, just get three or four, and we can come back next week and get more. The supermarket will, in all likelihood, still be here. I mean, you WERE aware that there was a giant building in the center of town that held large quantities of various food items before today, yes?"

" Well, yeah, but I didn't realize there was all of THIS." God, and I thought I was sheltered. I was going to need a diversion to get him past the snacks and soda isle.

" So, uh, what did you do with the note?"

" Note?", he asked, half listening as he snagged three boxes of cereal off an end cap. " Do you have milk at your house?"

" Uh, yeah…The note that Angela wrote saying she liked you?"

" Oh, I tore it up and threw it away…I mean, like REAL milk? Not that soymilk shit?"

" Edward, YES. But we'll grab an extra gallon just to be safe. That was kinda sweet."

" What was?"

" That you got rid of the note before anyone else could see it."

Edward shrugged. " Well, Angela's not a complete idiot, except for the fact that she continues to hang around with a bunch of people who obviously look down on her for being smart or whatever. I mean, I don't wanna date her or anything, but she seems nice enough. I wouldn't go out of my way to humiliate her, or anyone else, regardless."

" You just wait for them to come to you first?"

Edward just shrugged again. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him why. Why didn't he have any friends here? Why did he go out of his way to keep everyone at an arm's distance? I could tell by the way his shoulders tensed and he kept his eyes glued to the floor that he knew what I wanted to ask and that he didn't want to answer. I decided it could wait, because for whatever reason, while he was pushing everyone else away, he was obviously trying to let me in, and I would wait for him to do it in his own way. So instead, I asked, " Is it crazy that I kinda feel bad for Lauren?" He looked up at me, eyebrows raised, obviously not expecting me to say that.

" Uh, yeah."

" Well, I mean, even if she's the absolute worst person on the planet, it's not like she's had it easy. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to know that your Mom is running around trying to screw your classmates, and if she works at the diner, then they'd have to be struggling financially, at least a little."

" That doesn't mean she has to go out of her way to be a bitch, though."

" Well, no, you're right about that. I guess I can just sympathize a little bit maybe? I don't know. I mean, I'm not sure how I would handle that situation if it was me."

" I know we've only known each other for less than a day, but I seriously can't imagine any scenario in which you'd intentionally hurt someone, especially not someone you'd consider a friend."

" So, you think you've got me all figured out then?" , I joked.

" I think I've got a pretty good idea who Bella Swan is. I'm very good at reading people."

" Oh yeah? Well, let's hear it."

" Hmm, well, let's see…. You're smart, you're funny, really quick with a comeback, but not malicious. You go out of your way to be nice to people, even annoying little shits like Newton. You're obviously really generous, if you can muster the capacity to feel sorry for someone as vile as Lauren fucking Mallory. You're responsible, obviously, since your Dad trusts you enough to handle the shopping. You put other people first. You try to take care of your Dad, you fucking MOVED just so that your Mom could be happy. You're helping me shop for a bunch of shit I don't need, even though we came here for you, and you have yet to pick up anything for yourself. You're independent. You didn't even want me to pay for your fucking pie. Most girls wouldn't have thought twice about it. You're sentimental. You love that fucking truck for no other reason than your Dad gave it to you. You're obviously not afraid of what other people think of you, or you wouldn't be caught dead in that thing, or with me, for that matter. And, judging by the way you dress, you either really don't care, or else you really have no idea how truly beautiful you are." He stared down at me intently, and actually looked a little nervous, like he was afraid he'd said too much.

I, on the other hand, probably looked completely insane. Shocked doesn't even begin to cover how I felt when he said that. I mean, one day I'm sitting in my room, bawling my eyes out and completely second guessing my decision to move to this tiny, sunless place, and less than 24 hours later, I'm standing, completely frozen, mouth agape, in front of a meat case with this strange, interesting boy who's easily in the top five of the most attractive people I've ever seen, ever, who's telling me that HE thinks that I'M beautiful? It was just entirely too much to process. My lungs actually stopped working for a second, and I must have been turning blue or something, because Edward laughed a little, and as he reached up and stroked my cheek lightly with one finger, he said, " Breathe, Bella."

I drew in a shaky breath. That was easily the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me, and I was about five seconds away from jumping him in front of a display of lunch meat. I needed a diversion from my diversion. I turned around, searching for something to distract him with.

" Oh, look, hot dogs!" Thankfully, he took the bait.

A few minutes later, Edward finished filling his cart to his heart's content and began helping me gather up some essentials for the house. He practically moaned in desire as I gathered the ingredients for things like lasagna, meat loaf, and chicken fajitas.

" You know, if it's that serious, you can eat with us whenever you want."

" Yeah, but I don't want Esme to get suspicious about my eating habits if I start skipping dinner. Plus, it's really the only time that she gets to see all of us….But, you know, you could always take pity on me and bring me some to school." He smiled his crooked smile at me,_ Damn him_, and his eyes took on a mischievous glint. I just shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.

" Don't try working your voodoo on me with those devil eyes. I'd be glad to, but ONLY because I'm certain that Charlie's gonna give you a run for your money on snack cake consumption. He'll probably decimate three quarters of your stash on Sunday alone, so it's really the least I could do." Edward's face lit up at that, and he appeared to be on the verge of dancing a jig. _Note to self: I can use food to make Edward do anything I want._ _Can anyone say, Naked Ice Cream Day?_ I just laughed and shook my head at his expression, and then I couldn't resist adding, " Wow, if you're that happy about meat loaf, then you should really stop by some time and try my pie…." I doubled over in laughter as his eyes practically popped out of his head.

His eyebrows rose to his hairline, and in mock seriousness, he replied, " Hey, don't start something you don't plan to finish, little girl. I'll eat your pie right now. Hell, I'll eat the whole container." His voice was joking, but his eyes darkened with promise. I felt my whole face flush to my hairline at the very thought of it. At this rate, I'd be hosting Naked Ice Cream day before the week was out.

" Shut up, Edward." Then it was his turn to laugh at me.

After a brief but heated discussion over which one of us was going to pay for my groceries, or rather, after he completely ignored my adamant refusal to allow him to pay for my stuff before whipping out his stupid credit card and paying for everything at once, while all but putting me in a headlock to physically block me from paying, we shoved plastic bags into every available space of his car and made our way to my house. I wasn't entirely sure that there was going to be room in the kitchen for all the crap he bought. A very small vindictive part of me almost hoped he would get busted.

" Won't your parents notice your three hundred dollar credit card bill?"

" Nah, not really. I mean, the accounting office will pay the bill, and they'll send my Dad a statement, but it's unlikely he'll notice. Hell, I usually spend probably twice that throughout the month buying all that crap at convenience stores. Besides, I think he probably already kinda knows what I'm doing, because I highly suspect that he does the same thing.

" So, you and your Dad basically pretend to eat all of the healthy stuff that your Mom painstakingly prepares for you daily, while in actuality you're out eating junk all day?"

" You know, you make it sound bad when you say it like that, but yeah, pretty much. I'm almost positive that Emmett, my brother-in-law, does it too. The only one of us that does it out in the open is Jasper, my sister's boyfriend. What I told you earlier about him living off pop-tarts and beer? I totally wasn't exaggerating. He literally walks around drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and eating frosted strawberry pop tarts, like, all the time. I don't know how he gets away with it…Well, that's not true. That suave mother fucker could sell ice to an Eskimo. But even then, Esme refuses to buy it for him. He has to purchase his own junk food. Come to think of it, I bet he gets his stuff at the super market. I do believe that asshole's been holding out on me…

" ANYWAY, if all you guys are just pretending to eat it, then why not stop wasting food and just tell her the truth?"

" Well, because it would hurt her feelings. Like you said, she puts a lot of thought and effort into making sure we eat healthy, and we wouldn't want her to think we don't appreciate it, but a man can only eat so many organic vegan whole wheat black bean burritos….It's just easier this way."

" Easier to lie."

"Basically."

"And, you don't think she suspects anything?"

" Nah." He shook his head, but he didn't seem so certain.

" God, I could like totally blackmail you right now." He just laughed and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

" I can't even fathom what it must be like to have the ability to just buy whatever I wanted without anyone even questioning it."

" Well, I can't buy just ANYTHING. I mean, if I bought you a car, my Dad would definitely question that. Of course, if he saw what you're driving now, he'd be totally fine with it." Why did it sound like he'd actually put some thought into that?

" Oh, God. Please…don't."

" It wouldn't have to be new. It could just be a nice, reliable, manufactured in this decade… little four door or something."

"NO." I couldn't tell if I was worried or pissed.

" There's nothing wrong with my truck! Besides, just like you don't want to hurt your Mom's feelings, I don't want to hurt my Dad's. How do you think that would make him feel?"

" Well, shit happens. Your truck could just 'accidentally' catch on fire. Faulty battery, or whatever."

" You want to set my truck on FIRE?"

" Totally. We could even do it at La Push. You know, act like we're just out there enjoying the beach, and then suddenly, your battery explodes and the truck goes up in flames, and then our only recourse would be to push it into the ocean in an attempt to save the surrounding woods…It would be like a Viking funeral."

" NO."

" You're no fun."

" Why do you want to buy me a car, anyway? I mean, you barely know me. "

" Well, there's no airbags in it or anything, and I mean, what if it breaks down or something?"

" Uh, yeah, considering I can traverse the length of Forks in under an hour, I'm pretty sure that situation would be far from dire. Besides, hello, daughter of the police chief? I can have an armed escort in under three minutes at any given time. But you still didn't answer the question."

" Which is?" He'd just pulled in to my driveway and rolled to a stop and looked over at me with his wry smile, as if he was preparing another smartass remark, but his eyes were uncertain.

" Why do you care?" _Please say you like me, please say you like me._ He huffed a laugh and kept his eyes on his steering wheel, his cheeks pink in embarrassment.

He shrugged. " Because."

" Because why?"

He shrugged again. " Just….because." He looked so sweet at that moment, all vulnerable and insecure. Could he really be worried that I didn't like him back? I decided to let him off the hook.

" You know, I'm pretty good at reading people too."

" Oh yeah?" He looked up at me, his eyes intense and unreadable.

" Yeah. You wanna know what I see?"

" Okay." He looked a little apprehensive.

" Well, your very smart. Very funny. Very outspoken, and very decisive, a BIT of an addictive personality", I quipped, hooking a thumb towards all the bags in the back seat. "But, you're also very loyal. That's pretty obvious in the way you talk about your family, and the fact that you're trying to look out for my general welfare even though we just met. And this whole persona that you've got going on for everyone else, I can see that it's just a mask, and I don't know why you do it, but I can wait until you're ready to tell me. For now, I can just be grateful that you let me have a little peek behind it." I looked down at my hands, embarrassed by my own words. Edward took off his seatbelt and shifted until his face was just a breath away from mine, and he reached out his hand and lifted my chin up with his finger." I know this is all happening crazy fast, but I just can't help but feel like, with you, I don't need it. I wanna trust you, so badly. I don't wanna hold anything back from you." His eyes shifted down to my lips and he took my face in his right hand, softly stroking my cheek back and forth with his thumb. My heart felt like it was about to leap from my chest.

" Then don't." At that, he leaned his forehead against mine and kissed me gently, and small peck at first, then another, and another. Then he kissed me again, more deeply, and my head swam when he sucked in my bottom lip for a moment and then twirled our tongues together. My hands clutched his shirt along each side of his waist at first, and then slid up his chest until my arms wrapped around his neck, as his hands slid down my spine as he pulled himself against me. We kissed like that for, I really have no idea how long. Half a second, forever. It felt like both, simultaneously somehow. Either way, it would never be enough. We broke apart to breathe, and Edward straightened up and turned back into his own seat, clutching the steering wheel in his fist, obviously trying to compose himself, but I didn't want him to be composed. I wanted every part of his body on mine, so I lunged towards his seat, intent on disrupting the little bit of composure he'd been able to muster. Only, I forgot that I still had my seatbelt on, and when I went for him, I was snatched back into my seat. Having turned his head toward me at my movement, Edward saw me get jerked back, and started laughing, loudly.

" Wow. Seatbelts really do save lives. I think I was about to be mauled." Completely mortified, I hid my face behind my hands for a moment, and then without looking up, reached down and unhooked my seatbelt and started exiting the car."

" Yeah, well, I'm over it now, so you're safe." _Ass! _I started making my way towards the front door, groceries forgotten. Edward leaped out of the car and ran up behind me, grabbing one of my belt loops to slow me down, and then grabbing me by the waist and whipping me around to face him.

" Hey, you know what?", he said, still laughing a little. " I'm yours to maul as you see fit. Hell, I don't need to be home for another hour . You could probably maul me at least a couple of times before then."

I huffed a laugh softly, unable to lift my gaze from my shoes, my face still red.

" God, I'm just such a spaz. I have no idea what I'm doing." Edward grabbed my face in both hands, and ran a thumb across my lips.

" I thought you did great. I'm saluting your efforts as we speak." I laughed and rolled my eyes.

" Lame." Edward chuckled and ghosted his thumbs over my cheeks.

" I love this. Your face is like a mood ring."

I shoved his chest. " Shut up, Edward."

" Ok, ok. Let's get all this stuff inside. I need a Swiss cake roll for the road."

" Seriously?"

" I never joke about Swiss cake rolls."

" You're gonna throw up."

" I'm a man. We never throw up."

" Ok, MAN. Let's go hide your contraband from your Mommy."

" Yeah, yeah." Edward laughed.

It took four trips to get everything inside, and quite a bit of creative rearranging to get everything actually put away. The top shelf in the laundry room was now full of junk food, and I was gathering together all the ingredients for spaghetti. Edward watched with rapt attention as he scarfed down half a box of snack cakes.

" So, what am I having for lunch tomorrow?"

" Organic whole wheat vegan black bean burritos."

" Har Har. Seriously, what is that?"

" Well, it's going to be spaghetti. Would you like yours with meat or without?"

" Pshh- with! Naturally. Do you not eat meat? "

" Nah, I'm a vegetarian."

" So, then, why did you buy meat?"

" Because Charlie isn't, and apparently, neither are you."

" So, not only are you cooking for me, and Charlie, you're cooking stuff that you're not even going to eat?"

" Well, I'll eat some of it, just not the part with the meat in it. What's your position on mushrooms, zucchini and bell peppers?"

" I can take it or leave it."

" I'll take that as a yes then." Edward closed the small distance between us, grabbed my face, and kissed me softly on the mouth. He tasted like chocolate. Yum.

" You're the best girlfriend ever."

_Ass. Floor…_ " Girlfriend, huh?"

"Yep. I've got to mark my territory before some other guy figures out how perfect you are."

" Territory?" I tried to sound offended, but it came out all breathless as he skimmed his nose lightly along my neck.

" Mm hmm. Mine." He stopped and backed up a little, still holding me around the waist.

" I've gotta get going. Can I pick you up for school tomorrow?" Speechless, I just nodded.

" Good." He kissed the tip of my nose. " Tomorrow then.", and then released me and ran out the door. I followed and watched him hop in his car and speed off, and continued to stare down the road in the direction he had gone a few minutes after his car was out of sight. _Girlfriend_. One little word had left me completely incoherent. As I stood there like an idiot, staring at the empty space in the driveway where his car had been, I asked aloud to no one, " What the hell just happened?"

**And so, five chapters later, Monday is behind us. Incidentally, I love organic whole grain vegan black bean burritos. I eat 'em all the time. I also love Swiss cake rolls, but as I am not a 17 year old boy, I don't eat them at all because they make me feel like shit. ' Til next week!**


	6. Lions, Lambs and Luck Dragons

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. I also don't own Cheetos or **_**The Neverending Story. **_**I do own a four year old who likes Edward more than I do. I mean, not like THAT! He's four, perv, but he REALLY wants to be a vampire. I think it's mostly so he doesn't have to go to bed.**

**EPOV**

After that kiss in the car, it was all I could do to tear myself away from her. She probably thought I was insane, running out her front door like that, but it was the only way I could force myself to leave. Kinda like ripping off a band aid. She's just so beautiful, and the fact that it's completely unintentional on her part just makes her that much hotter. The thing with her seatbelt was, well, it was pretty fucking funny, I won't lie. But it was sexy too-just the fact that she was so caught up in kissing me that she forgot where she was, and the sounds she was making….Jesus. I don't think she was even aware of it. And her smell, and the way she blushed about fucking EVERYTHING, and her hair. Every time I looked at her hair, I imagined what it would look like dangling all around us as she straddled me. I had to make her mine.

I won't deny that I completely and intentionally railroaded her into being my girlfriend, but I really didn't have much choice. I wasn't exaggerating when I said I had to claim her before anyone else could. Newton was already sniffing around her, and when his little fucking cronies figured out that he liked her, then they'd come after her too, just for sport. There's no way I could sit by and watch that shit go down. Besides, this pretty face is good for garnering plenty of unwanted attention, so it's only fair that I get to use it to my advantage when I finally see what I do want, right? I guess, if I was less of a selfish bastard, I might stop to question whether or not a relationship with me would be any good for her. I mean, I knew that hanging out with me was bound to draw some criticism, and Jessica and Lauren would probably go out of their way to give her hell, and yeah, I can be kind of hard to deal with at times, but really and truly, when it comes right down to it, no one would ever be good enough for her, so the way I see it, she might as well be with me. None of those fucking morons at school would ever really be able to appreciate her wit and her intelligence, and there are just way too many assholes in the world who would take advantage of her generous nature. I mean, how many girls would bring you spaghetti, just because? When I 'd asked her, I'd been joking, mostly. I never really expected her to not only do it, but do it _gladly?_ Hell, I didn't really expect her to let me use her house as my storage facility either, but she just went along with it, and yeah, I kinda went overboard, but it was mostly just to give myself an excuse to show up at her house every day. And the thing is, I could pretend that she was just doing it for me because she liked me, but the truth is, I think she'd probably do it for anyone.

All that shit with her Mom is enough to tell me that she's just one of those people who would quite literally give you the shirt off their back if you really needed it. She's effortlessly selfless. In other words, she's the kind of person that other people dump on and take advantage of. She's that girl that gives up her life to take care of her parents, that girl who hangs out with selfish bitches who come to her for a sympathetic ear without ever once taking her problems into consideration. She's that girl who ends up married to some boring asshole who could never truly understand how great she is, simply because he lacks the capacity to be able to recognize her true potential. And she's the girl who would give up that potential just to spare him the embarrassment of discovering how much of an idiot he truly is. But really, no matter who she was in a relationship with, she'd always be the one to make sacrifices, because she'd do it without a second thought. Out in the real world, people like her are no better off than lambs in a lion's den. So then, who better to fend off the other lions than the meanest one of the bunch? At the risk of sounding noble, I was feeling very protective of her. I wanted to shield her and prevent her from losing herself in obscurity simply for being too nice to stick up for herself. I've learned the hard way how truly ruthless the seemingly average person can be, and I'd do almost anything to prevent her from having to learn that first hand. People don't start out jaded. Babies aren't born with the innate need to keep others at a distance. People become that way because other people make them that way. It's too late for me. What's done is done, and I can't change my past experiences any more than I can make my fucking hair lay flat, but maybe, for once, some good can come of it. I can't stop people from being assholes, but I can damn sure make them think twice about coming after her. I might not be the best person in the world, but for her, I'd be the best person that I could be. I had to admit, she made me feel a little hopeful, which is something I hadn't felt in a long time.

I must've been smiling a little as I sat at my piano, oblivious to my surroundings as I thought of Bella and plugged out a little tune on the keys, when Emmett appeared out of nowhere and started harassing me.

" What are you grinning about, bitch?"

" Fuck off, Sasquatch!"

" What are you doing in here, smiling like a little girl and playing your piano? God, you're such a woman. Are you gonna go upstairs and write in your diary after this?"

" Shouldn't you be letting Rose shave your back or something?"

" Hey, at least I can grow body hair…Wait, did you get some pussy?"

" NO."

" Holy shit. You did. I can't believe you actually convinced some female to touch those little hairless grapes you call balls, especially wearing that coat. Where the fuck did you even get that?"

" Alice."

" What are you, a fucking Barbie? Why do you let her do that shit to you man?"

I shrugged. " It's just a coat. Who gives a shit?"

" You look like an asshole. I mean, who wears a fucking tailored pea coat? You look like you stole it from a chick."

" 'Tailored pea coat'? " Are you sure she didn't snag it out of your closet?"

" Maybe from Rose's side. God, just looking at it makes me wanna beat the shit out of you." He started tugging at the strap on the shoulder of my coat. " What the fuck is this even for? Ridiculous." I started to slap away his meat wad of a hand when I noticed that the tips of his fingers were orange.

" Emmett McCarty, what is that on your fingers?"

" Why are you calling out my whole name like an old maid English teacher? Don't worry about where my fingers have been, bitch."

" Have you been eating Cheetos?"

" NO."

"Esme's gonna be SO disappointed."

" Which is why you're gonna keep your mouth shut, Edwina."

" Does Rose know?" His eyes got large, and he made like he was gonna grab me, but I'd learned quickly to avoid his crushing grip. Emmett is fucking strong as hell, and he's fast. But I'm faster. I dodged sideways as he leaned forward to grab me, causing him to lose his balance and hit the floor. He sprang back up quickly, but I was already halfway up the stairs. I ran all the way to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. He wouldn't dare break another door after that last time. Fucker. That golden onion was going straight into the pockets of his team jacket tonight.

Damn it, an hour before dinner and I was stuck up in my room hiding from Yeti. I knew if I let him keep talking, he'd trick me into spilling completely about Bella. He isn't nearly as dumb as he looks, and I wasn't ready to share her yet. I lay back on my bed, thinking about our date, and truthfully, feeling a little queasy from all the shit I ate. Those last few snack cakes were a little bit of overkill, but I was using them as a distraction to keep myself from pushing her down on her sofa and kissing every inch of her til Chief Daddy came home. I had to divert those thoughts as quickly as they came. There was no way I was going to chance rubbing one out while Emmett was potentially lurking nearby. I'd never live that shit down. Instead, I just focused on everything we talked about. Her sense of humor really was my favorite thing about her. I loved the fact that after only a day, she and I shared such easy banter. Girls typically responded to me in three ways: Either they got all giggly and tongue-tied, or they went out of their way to turn everything they said into overtly sexual innuendo, or else they were just annoyingly self-promoting, going on and on about all of their random supposed attributes that are rarely as interesting as they imagine them to be. Some girls even managed to be twice as annoying by finding ways to combine all three at once. I mean, did they really think a seventeen year old guy really gave a shit about what kind of jeans or shoes they had on, or about their boring ass girly hobbies like crocheting, or whatever the fuck it is that girls do when they get together? The most thought a typical guy puts into a girl's clothes is wondering how they'll look on his bedroom floor. And unless their hobbies are something really cool, like playing guitar, or something useful, like baking pies, we just don't really give a shit. But Bella wasn't like that. Even though she was obviously attracted to me, she seemed almost unaffected by it. I don't know if it was confidence, or some degree of apathy, or what, but she didn't take any shit off of me just because she thought I was pretty, and I was really loving that shit, because instead of shutting down completely or just talking at me, she actually talked to ME and got to know ME, and it felt like she really liked ME as a person, instead of some fictional version of me that she'd fabricated, and I was loving that. Guys aren't the only ones who are guilty of objectification. What's more, I really liked her, a lot. More than I thought I could ever like anyone.

Thinking about talking to her made me want to call her, and I kicked myself for not thinking to get her number. I turned on my computer and looked up the white pages, praying that her home number would be listed. I did a little mental fist pump as info for "Charles Swan" popped up, and thankfully, he was the only Swan in town. Talking to some stranger, or worse, a potentially nosy relative might've gotten awkward. I dialed quickly, praying that she didn't think I was a complete loser for calling so soon. The phone rang a few times before she picked up.

" Oh, thanks for calling me back Mrs. Cullen. I know it's hard to believe, seeing as how you put so much effort into feeding him properly, but your son has a pretty serious addiction to refined sugar."

" So, that's how it is, is it? …How did you know it was me?"

" Well, you know, my Dad's the police chief, so he has access to the latest in spy technology. I believe he referred to it as 'caller ID'?"

" Smartass. Whatcha doin?"

" Um, cooking spaghetti?"

" Man, I wish I could've stayed and had dinner with you."

" Me too….So, what are you having?"

" I don't know. I think, vegetable stir fry or something."

" Well, that doesn't sound too bad."

" Yeah, it's fine, I guess. Not as good as yours." Yeah, I was pouting over spaghetti. What about it?

" So…" Suddenly, Bella was interrupted by the sound of someone picking up the other extension. _Oh, crap! Oh please don't let it be…_

" HELLLOOO?" _Emmett. Shit._

" I'm on the phone, Emmett." _And kicking myself for choosing the house phone instead of my cell._

" You're not trying to order pizza are you?"

" NO. Is that what you're doing?"

" Of course not. Vegetable stir fry is my favorite.", he deadpanned unconvincingly. " So, who're you talking to?" I could hear the amusement in his voice.

" Get off the phone, Emmett."

" I just want to say hi to your friend.

" NO! Get off the phone !" " Don't get your panties in a bunch, Edwina!" At that, Bella snorted in laughter.

" See, your friend thinks I'm funny."

" She's laughing at you, not with you."

" So, it IS a girl, huh?" _Crap…_ " Esme's gonna be SO happy to hear that!"

" Good, maybe you can tell her after I tell her about the Cheetos. Ya know, lift her spirits and shit."

" Fair enough. So, it's a draw then?"

" Fine."

" Well, since I'm sworn to secrecy, you might as well let me talk to her."

" She probably already hung up because of your dumb ass."

Bella piped up. " No, I'm still here." I could hear the laughter in her voice.

" Well, hello little lady. What's your name?"

" Um, Bella."

" Well, hey Bella. I'm Emmett. Bella sure is a pretty name."

" Thanks?"

" SO….what are you wearing right now?"

" EMMETT!"

" You mean, aside from my Dad's gun holster? Nothing. Nothing at all."

" That's hot." _Actually, it kinda is….._

" Emmett! You know, I would like for her to talk to me again after today."

" I'm just trying to help you out dude. It's not like you would ever speak up. You're probably up there writing her a poem and shit."

Bella laughed. " I like poems."

_And I love you. _" SEE, Em? Not everyone is a sick fucking pervert like you."

" Yes they are. They just don't wanna admit it….What? Oh, Ok!…Rose says dinner will be ready in ten."

" Great. Can you get off the fucking phone now?"

" Fine! Be that way. It was nice talking to you Miss Bella."

" Yeah, you too." There was an audible "click" as Emmett hung up the other extension.

" Sorry about that. That's my brother in law. He basically lives to find new ways to humiliate me."

" Don't worry about. I thought it was funny. So, is he always like that, then?"

" In varying degrees, yeah. I've considered 'accidentally' pushing him down the stairs a few times."

" Sounds like you two are really close", she laughed.

" Actually, I know it doesn't seem like it, but he's really my best friend. I mean, he drives me fucking insane most of the time, but he's always been there for me in all the ways that count. I really consider him a brother, not that I'd tell HIM that."

" You're really lucky. It's always just been me and my Mom, or me and my Dad. When I was little, I used to pretend I had brothers and sisters. God, it's sounds really pathetic when I say it loud like that."

I laughed a little. " Nah. That's pretty normal, I think. If it makes you feel better, I used to watch this old movie called, _The Neverending Story_, and I used to pretend I was Atreyu and that I had a luck dragon."

" What's a luck dragon?"

" It's a big white dog/dragon hybrid thing. I can't believe you've never seen that movie."

" No t. v., remember?"

" Right. I keep forgetting how strange you are. You seem so normal…"

" Says the guy with the imaginary dog/dragon thingy."

" I was eight! Anyway, I think we have an old copy around here somewhere. You'll have to come over and watch it some time. It's right up your alley. It's about a kid who spends all of his free time reading."

" I thought it was about a kid with a dragon."

" Luck Dragon. And, it's about both, kind of, and some other stuff. You just have to see it."

" I'd like that."

" Great. Ok, dinner time. You still want me to pick you up in the morning?"

" Sure."

" Ok." I really didn't want to get off the phone. I could've talked about nothing with her all night.

" Tomorrow then."

" Good night, Edward."

" Night." I listened to her hang up, and got ready to hang up myself when I heard a distinctly male sigh on the other end.

" I love you too, little buddy."

" God, Emmett! You're such an asshole! I can't believe you listened in the whole time."

" Don't be embarrassed. Man, you two kids are so sweet together. She really brings out your feminine side."

" I hate you." Emmett laughed loudly in my ear before hanging up for real. I hung up the phone and grabbed the golden onion out of my bag.

**Ok, so I lied. I was going to move on to another day, but Emmett would not be ignored. You know how he is. So next week will start a new day for these kids. I swear. Probably.**


	7. Things to Do With Your Mouth

**A/N: Yep, still don't own it. I just own the idea behind this particular little variation, so, don't steal my ideas and stuff. I mean,I don't know why you would want to, but still. On another note, if anyone can explain to me why the hell I had to go back and painstakingly remove the bold italics from half my effing chapter when the original SO CLEARLY didn't have them, I'd love to know why. **

**BPOV**

Charlie came down the stairs and practically floated towards the smell of the muffins, which I had just put on the wire rack to cool. Between worrying over how today at school would go,

and dreaming about Edward, my sleep had been sporadic at best, so I got up extra early and started baking to stave off the nerves. Call me old fashioned, or whatever, but it was nice

to have men to cook for.

" Muffins?" His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas.

" Chocolate Chip."

" Wow."

" I made extra so you can take some to work."

" Dunno know if I wanna be sharing these with the guys. We should probably just leave em here, ya know, for us.

" Dad, they're jumbo muffins. How many do you really think _we _can eat?"

Charlie seemed to consider this for a second, and then said, "Yeah, ya know, I'll be workin' til pretty late tonight. I guess I should take a few."

" So, six then?"

" Yeah, that outta about cover it." Charlie's mischievous grin was mostly hidden by his mustache, but the twinkle in his eyes gave it away.

" Ya know, it's gonna be pretty tough taking down the bad guys if you stuff yourself like a pig."

" Whadaya think the tasers are for?"

I just snorted and shook my head." So, how late is late?"

" Not sure, Bells. Probably not til after you go to bed…Are you sure you're ok with this? I mean, I feel like I'm gonna be leaving you alone too much."

I started putting six muffins into plastic bags for him. " No, I mean, it fine. I kinda like being alone. I guess I'm kinda like my Dad that way." Yeah, I was totally buttering him up to avoid

telling him that I'd more than likely be spending a lot of that free time with my new boyfriend. With Charlie, less is more, thank God. That never would've worked on my Mom in a million years.

Charlie just smiled proudly and patted me on the shoulder. " Ok, kiddo. Thanks for the muffins."

" No problem, Dad. Be Careful."

"Always am." With that, he grabbed his bag and headed out the door.

I felt like I had to do something to keep myself occupied, so I cleaned off the counters, even though they really didn't need it. I was just trying to do anything to keep the anxiety from setting in.

I was slightly nervous about walking into school with Edward today because I felt pretty sure that Jessica was gonna be more than a little pissed, and I didn't know how that was gonna play out,

but at the very least, I knew I'd be facing a few dirty looks. It wasn't that I really cared about what everyone thought or whatever. I mean, it's not exactly like I was best friends with any of them or anything.

I just REALLY dreaded all of the attention and I wasn't ready to answer questions about us yet. I wanted us to have time to just _be, _especially since we'd only been together for all of a day. I wanted to have time

for us to get to know each other better before having to face the stares and shitty comments. I wanted to keep us between us for a little longer, but at the same time, I wasn't exactly ready to give up spending

time with him just to avoid a few awkward moments. _Suck it up, Swan. He's worth it, right?_ I pictured his face. When I closed my eyes, I could almost smell him as I remembered the way his lips felt on mine.

Yeah, he was worth it. If I'd ever been given the opportunity to actually choose that "perfect guy", I never even would've been able to conceive of someone as perfect as he was for me. He was everything I never

knew I always wanted, bad attitude and all.

We just seemed to fit together so effortlessly. It wasn't even just the attraction. It was just HIM, his personality, his soul, whatever. I don't have the words to describe it, because I've never felt that way about anyone, ever.

I've heard it said that there are some people that you meet, and you just know, right away, that you HAVE to be in that person's life, no matter what the capacity, and that's exactly how it was with him. If he had been a girl,

I just know we would've been automatic best friends. Even if he'd been, like, some hundred year old guy, I would've gone out of my way to stop by the diner every afternoon and play checkers with him, just to have the

opportunity to talk to him. Because I _really _LIKED talking to him. A lot. The fact that I wanted to tear off all of his clothes was simply an added bonus.

To say that yesterday had been a kind of a whirlwind would be a vast understatement. In less than two hours, I'd gotten my first date, my first kiss, and my first official boyfriend. At the rate we were moving, I'd be married

with a kid by the time I was nineteen. I shuddered a little at the prospect. In no possible universe would I EVER consider being that girl. Mom would have a stroke, and Charlie would probably murder him before we even made

it to the altar. The really scary part is, that if we'd kept on kissing the way we were, I would've been totally prepared to let him be my first everything right there in the front seat of his car. Kissing him was just unbelievable. It set

my body on fire in places I didn't even know I had. I felt the kinds of things that I thought only happened in old,cheesy movies. It was all consuming. I just wanted to keep kissing him forever and never stop. I don't see how any

other kiss could be more amazing than that. As I peeled the paper off my muffin, I found myself wishing that he'd arrive early enough to have a go at round two so I could test that theory, over and over. I'd just finished my muffin

when he tapped on the door, a full half hour before we needed to leave for school. I smiled at how in sync we seemed to be. It was like he was reading my mind or something.

Being horny and nervous at the same time is a very disconcerting feeling. As I opened the door, I didn't know whether to jump on him or run away and hide, and since a combination of the two was physically impossible,

I settled for saying, " Hi."

Edward reached out and put his hands on my hips. I expected it to be awkward, but it was like, as soon as I looked into his eyes, all I could feel was relieved. I have to admit, there was a part of me that never wanted to

let him out of my sight, and I should've been afraid of that, but I wasn't. I was just completely, over the moon, grinning like a maniac, happy. His grin was pretty big too.

" Morning, beautiful. Hope I'm not too early. I just couldn't wait to see what you packed me for lunch." I laughed and lightly slapped him on the shoulder.

" I should've known. You only want me for my spaghetti."

" No, that's not the only thing.", he said in a low, sexy voice that made my thighs tremble a little. I felt my cheeks grow warm , and Edward reached up and grabbed the sides of my face gently, lightly stroking them with

his thumbs before leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. I couldn't stop the sigh that escaped as he nuzzled the tip of his nose against mine and whispered, " Bella?"

" Mmmm?" My lips had stopped working.

" Do I smell chocolate?"

I sighed again, this time in exasperation, and rolled my eyes. " You know, if you want a muffin, all you have to do is ask. The whole seduction thing is completely unnecessary."

He grinned his crooked grin, and his eyes twinkled. " Oh yeah, no, I know. I just wanted to make out with you in the stairwell for a bit…..Did you say muffins?"

" I said muffIN, singular. They're huge. No one needs more than one."

" I believe I'll take that as a personal challenge."

Sure enough, he inhaled three, along with a huge glass of milk, moaning in ecstasy as I looked on in somewhat fascinated disgust. Not exactly the kind of moaning I had planned. After he was done gorging himself,

he "oohed" and " aahed" over his lunch for a little bit, and THEN we made out. But only for about five minutes. I was obviously going to have to lay down some ground rules in order to even out the eating to fooling

around ratio. I was seriously considering just skipping school today in order to do more of it.

" You know, we could just stay here.", I whispered, shivering slightly, as he brushed his lips along my neck."

" Mm, it's definitely tempting, but I'd rather not get shot and/or arrested by your Dad when he stops by to find out why you never made it to school."

" Meh. You're no fun."

Edward looked at me for a second, and then it was like a light went off in his head. " Wait, you're not nervous about being seen with me, are you?" He looked a little hurt. _Crap._

" No! I'm just nervous about all the attention, is all. I really hate that feeling, you know, when you just KNOW that everyone is staring . And like, what if someone says something,

like, mean or whatever? I don't know how to deal with that stuff."

Edward raised an eyebrow and grinned ruefully. " Believe me, you get used to it in a hurry. With enough practice, you'll forget they're even there. And, if anyone says anything to you

at all that you don't like, you just refer them to me. I'll take care of it. Besides, I bet I can distract you.", he whispered, and grabbed my chin, running his thumb across my bottom lip before

bending down and kissing me until I almost forgot how to breathe.

When we finished the kiss, I looked deeply into his eyes and quipped, " So, what were we talking about?"

He laughed a little." See? Told ya."

" Yeah, you're pretty awesome at that distraction stuff. Although, not that I've tried it or anything, but I'm pretty sure they have a policy against that sort of distraction at school."

" Well, that's why you don't get caught.", he whispered in his sexy voice. My knees buckled at the thought of him dragging me into a janitor's closet. I must've looked dazed or something,

because he shook his head slightly and laughed a little, and then growled under his breath, " We better get going, or we're never gonna make it to school." He grabbed his lunch bag and

then grabbed my hand, leading me as I followed him out reluctantly.

Naturally, with his lead foot and total disregard for speed limits, we got there in a bout thirty seconds, with about ten minutes to spare til the first bell rang. I sighed a deep breath and prepped

myself to face all of the gawking kids that were gathered around the entrance. Edward grabbed my hand and ran his thumb across my palm.

" Look, don't worry about it, okay? I don't give a fuck what anyone here thinks but you. Besides, by tomorrow, they'll have moved on to something else."

I smiled at him weakly and nodded." I know. I'm fine.", I lied.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me dubiously, and then smiled softly and put on his Wayfarers. " If you're worried about them staring at you , just don't look at them. Easy. Now, let's go give these assholes

something talk about." I laughed a little at that and got out of the car. Edward came around to my side and threw an arm around my shoulders, leading me towards the entrance of the school.

I should've listened to him when he said not to look up at them. If I'd kept my eyes on my feet, I might've never noticed that literally everyone was staring at us in shock.

" Um, wow. EVERYONE is looking at us." Edward, who had been looking down at me, looked up and surveyed the crowd.

" Oh, yeah. Huh. Oh well. Fuck em." , he said with a grin. I just shook my head at him and smiled. In a show of solidarity, I decided to wrap an arm around his waist and lean into his warmth. He looked down me,

grinning hugely, and squeezed my shoulder a little in acknowledgement. Edward was right. Let them talk. I wasn't going to let a little gossip ruin my happiness. Of course, just as I'd decided to make peace with

the whole thing, we reached the front entrance where Mike, Jessica, Lauren and Tyler were standing, staring at us in what appeared to be varying degrees of irritation and amazement. Ever the eager representative,

Jessica stepped in front of me, effectively blocking us.

Her expression was incredulous as she exclaimed, " Ohmygod. I like, can't even process what I'm seeing right now. I mean, seriously? When Mike told us about you two in Biology yesterday, I was all like no way in hell.

I just can't believe it." She paused and stared me up and down, incredulous. " It's just…you…you've just…you're just…." She began sputtering and I tensed as I braced myself for the insult that I was sure was coming.

But before she could speak, Edward intervened." You know what else I heard Mike say?", he asked, laughing a little. She looked up at him and shook her head, looking somewhat confused.

" Just the other day, I overheard him telling some of his friends", Edward looked pointedly at Tyler, " that your mouth was a lot more useful with a dick in it, and, ya know, right about now, I'd be inclined to agree with him."

Jessica's mouth flew open and she glared at Edward for a moment before spinning towards Mike, who looked a little pale. That wasn't going to end well. A few people who had just been standing nearby, watching, tittered

quietly, but most everyone, including myself, just stared at Edward in shock. He just laughed quietly at Mike's expression, and led me inside. I just followed, staring at him. I couldn't believe he'd actually said that to her, out loud.

" I can't believe you actually said that, you know, out loud." Edward just shrugged and smiled.

" Did he like, really say that?"

" Oh yeah."

" You realize, she's probably out there murdering him right about now."

" If we're lucky. I don't feel bad for him. He never should've said that shit in the first place if he was worried about it getting back to her, so the Hell with him. Not that it isn't completely true, but still…."

" I just, I could never come up with something like that in the stress of the moment, you know?" Who was I kidding? There's no way I could EVER say something like that to anyone.

Edward sighed and shook his head a little. " I'm used to that kinda shit with Jessica. She just doesn't seem to have an ounce of self-preservation. She's like one of those idiots who goes to the zoo

and gets too close to the live polar bear exhibit, and then ends up getting mauled to death. The signs have been clearly posted. If she's too fucking stupid to pay attention to em, then that's her problem."

" And you would be the polar bear in this scenario."

" Unequivocally."

" God, am I gonna like, have to keep you under lock and key?"

Edward chuckled . " Bring on the shackles, baby. I'm yours."

" Psh, like I'd even need shackles. I could just lead you around with a trail of M&M's."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist and said, " You could lead me around with nothing at all. I'll follow you anywhere, beautiful."

I blushed, and then diverted. " Ok, well then, follow me to my locker and homeroom."

He laughed lightly, stroking my red cheek. " As you wish."

The day went by pretty quickly. People whispered and stared, and I pretended I couldn't see them. Jessica just glared at me through all of our classes. I felt kind of bad about what Edward had said to her,

and I probably would've tried to talk to her about it, except her crazy eyes were kind of scaring the crap out of me, so instead, I took the coward's way out and went with my tried and true standby defense

mechanism, ignoring her by pretending to read. I never said I was the better person.

It was pretty far from an ideal way to spend my morning, but pretty soon, fake reading gave into actual reading, interrupted by sporadic intervals of actual class work, and before I knew it, I'd made it all the way to lunch.

While watching the entire cafeteria gawk as we sat down together at his corner table, I was reminded that for the first time in who knows how long, Edward wasn't sitting by himself at lunch, and although he didn't let on

that it was a big deal, as he shoveled down spaghetti like he hadn't eaten in a month, the gratitude in his eyes told a different story. I realized that it was technically his fault, but I wanted to cry when I thought about his

self-imposed isolation. I couldn't imagine what could have happened to him that would be bad enough to make him want to disconnect from everyone like he had, and it made me sad that anyone would have to go through

something that difficult, and it really was a shame because the world was really missing out on the person that Edward was when he was with me. I wished that I could figure out a way for him to bring that person to the

forefront. I couldn't help but wonder what his life would've been like if we'd know each other sooner, if I could have somehow spared him from whatever caused him to put up those walls.

I started thinking about my own life back in Phoenix. Although I'd never been completely friendless like Edward, I didn't really have close friends either . I mean, I had people at school that I sort of hung out with. It was a

big school, so obviously I wasn't the only "book nerd" , as Mike so eloquently put it, there, but book nerds don't exactly make plans to get together and read, and even if they had, it's not like they were exactly reading

Harlan Ellison, and I can only take so much Jane Austen. And, it's not like I could've exactly invited them over anyway. I could just imagine the looks on their faces if we'd walked into my house, only to find my Mom smoking

a joint with the nude model she'd hired during her painting phase. Yeah, no….As far as guys went, well, when you go to a school full of athletic tan blonde girls, it's pretty easy to get lost in the shuffle. I mean, I'd been asked

out a few times, but not by anyone I wanted to say yes to, and I'm not the type to have a boyfriend just for the sake of being able to say I had one. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. I just never dreamed I'd find

the right one here, in the middle of nowhere.

" You're being awfully quiet over there, and you're not eating. What are you thinking about?" He looked concerned and somewhat fearful.

I just smiled and shook my head. " Nothing. Everything. Us." I pointed from him to me. " This. I'm just glad to be here."

His face relaxed and he smiled back. " Me too. And not just because this is literally the best thing I've ever eaten."

" Wait til you taste my fajitas."

Edward rolled his eyes back into his head and moaned. " I hope you're into fat guys."

I laughed and said without thinking, " More to love, baby." As soon as I realized I said that ,out loud, my eyes got wide, and I started to back track, but before I could slip into major freak out mode, Edward grabbed my hand

and started sliding his thumb up and down my palm. He was smiling a little and the look on his face was indescribable. He didn't let go of my hand until we got to Biology.

Mike was already sitting in class when we got there, probably hiding from Jessica, and glaring at Edward like he wanted to kick his ass. Edward just laughed and rolled his eyes and went about ignoring him as usual,

which seemed to piss Mike off that much more. Needless to say, I had to find a new partner for badminton that day. After an awkwardly silent interaction with a freshman named Bree, who was, impossibly, even worse

at badminton than I was, I met Edward at the gym door and we made our way to my house. I decided to cash in on the whole " follow you anywhere" thing and talked him into helping me wash my truck.

Edward totally sucked at car washing. He was barely running the cloth over the truck, just sort of dabbing the surface lightly. I couldn't help but make fun of him a little.

" Uh, what the hell are you doing?"

" What? If I push down too hard, the whole thing might disintegrate."

" Here we go." I had to force myself not to laugh.

" I mean, how do you even know where to wash? I can't tell which spot is dirt and which is chipped paint and/or rust." He started poking a bit of flaking paint with his rag. I just ignored him and started cleaning the inside

of the truck. Not that I'd admit he was right, but the cab did kind of smell. As I started cleaning under the seat, I figured out why pretty quickly.

At first, it wasn't so bad, just some empty packs of Marlboros and squished beer cans, potato chip bags and so forth. Then, as I reached farther back, I pulled out the likely culprit- a giant, half-eaten log of summer sausage.

I didn't hear Edward behind me until he asked, " What the hell is THAT?"

" Ugh, summer sausage." I swallowed hard, stifling the urge to barf.

" Which is?"

" It's this preserved meat thing, kinda like a hot dog? I guess. My Dad gets them from work at Christmas time. He loves them, but I can't for the life of me figure out why. They're disgusting, and they smell horrible, even when

they haven't been stuffed under the seat of a truck for God knows how long."

Edward wrinkled his nose and poked lightly at it. " Damn, that looks fucking foul. It looks like King Tut's dick or something…. So THAT'S what that smell was."

" Most likely."

" Hmm, do you know where I can get one?" I made like I was trying to give him the one in my hand, and he just held up his hands, shaking his head and laughing.

" No, no. I need a fresh one."

" Um, why?" He proceeded to tell me about what he'd done with the golden onion.

" Well, remember the big building filled with food in the center of town? Try there. But, won't he like, know it's you and try to get revenge or something?"

" Totally. It's all part of the process. It's kind of an ongoing thing between all the kids in the family. The girls are even worse than the guys. Rose gets downright evil with the shit she can come up with, and Alice,

she may seem a little flighty and just, not all there at times, but I wouldn't dare turn my back on her if I ever had the balls to actually attempt to pull a prank on her. It's like she can see that shit coming or something….

That reminds me. Do you wanna come over on Sunday? Alice and Jasper will be coming back to town, and I'd like you to meet everyone."

I grimaced, " Well, what if they don't like me?"

" Well, then I guess we'll just have to run away together."

" Ok, but only if we can take the truck."

" Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure there won't be much running away going on after that piece of rusted metal held together by rubber bands that you call an engine explodes halfway on the road to Port Angeles, assuming

that we even got halfway before we turned fucking one hundered and ten. I swear, I think you'd be better off just kicking out the floor board and pushing it along with your feet."

I lobbed the mummified sausage at him. He totally had it coming.


	8. You WHAT?

**A/N: Don't own Twilight, or Maroon 5, or anything by Maroon 5. No offense intended to those who 3 them. Bear in mind that my E is actually a 17 year old guy. Not quite their demographic. Thanks to all of you who added me to your faves and alerts, and thanks so much to those of you who took the time to review. One reader said that she couldn't understand why my story doesn't have more reviews, but I can honestly say, I'd rather have a few, heartfelt, unsolicited reviews than a thousand that I had to beg for. And, so far, they've all been mostly positive, so I must be doing something right. That being said, feel free to send me negative reviews if you truly feel I deserve them. I can take the heat. However, do bear in mind that I hereby reserve the right to mock you openly in a comically bawdy cameo that may or may not involve livestock, should you choose to do so. J/K….maybe. Enjoy!**

**EPOV**

_I don't mind spending every day_

_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_

_Look for the girl with the broken smile_

_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

_And she will be loved_

_And she will be loved_

_And she wiiiillll be ….._

_Wait…. What. The. Fuck. _I guess I must've been somewhat distracted, because it took me a minute to register the fact that some bullshit was presently pouring out of my I-Pod. Just as I'd scrolled through my play lists to discover that they'd all been erased and replaced with just one entitled, _EdLOVESthe cock, _I turned on to Bella's street only to have every light in my dashboard light up as my car stalled and began rolling to a complete stop. Fortunately, I was able to steer it to the side of the road first, but when I tried to crank it again, the engine wouldn't even turn over. I wasn't even going to pretend to look under the hood. Rose knows damn well that I know jack shit about cars, but even if I did, that's no guarantee that I'd be able to figure out whatever the fuck she did to disable it. This could mean only one thing- I'd been made. I dialed Emmett's cell, and listened to a few bars of the same annoying song he'd put on my I-pod. Fucker.

" HELLLOOO?"

" So, I guess you found the sausage, then?"

" You mean that big brown thing in my underwear drawer that was almost as big as my dick? Yeah, found it yesterday. I ate half of it, and shoved the other half under Alice and Jasper's couch. I can't wait to see the look on Alice's face. She'll never believe in a million years that Jazz didn't leave it there. It's like two pranks in one!"

" God, I can't believe you actually ATE that fucking thing! You're a fucking animal, seriously."

" How could I resist a giant meat log?"

" That's what she said."

" YEAH she did! But fuck you, that's my line. ANYWAY, they actually taste really good. My Grandpa McCarty used to em all the time. They do smell like ass though. After a couple of days, that thing's gonna have their tent stinking like a dead hobo."

" Yurt."

" Huh?"

" It's a yurt, not a tent."

" Why do you know that? I swear to God I'm gonna buy you a dress. I mean, seriously, who gives a flying fuck?"

" Well, mostly Mongolians and hippies, I think. Anyway, why the fuck is Rose helping you get me back? She knows the rules."

" Well, actually, this isn't about the sausage. I still owe your little bitch ass, but you'll just have to wait and see on that one….No, this is about the onion in the closet. Rose was fucking pissed that all of her clothes reek. By the way, why was it fucking gold?"

" So, ok, before I sit here all fucking day, do I need to call a tow truck, or do you have it covered?"

" Nah. Tow truck's on it's way, along with your ride."

I sighed heavily. Little did Emmett know that the worst part of his little payback was that I was now going to have to eat shit and make a phone call that I REALLY didn't want to make.

" No, don't worry about the ride. I'm almost at Bella's, so I'll just call her."

" Yeah, I MAY have already called Bella and told her to pick up her little damsel in distress on her way to school. OK. Later bitch!" With that, Emmett hung up in my face.

Ok, so maybe he did know. The fucking oaf could be genuinely diabolical sometimes. It was just as I was about to call her myself that I heard Bella's fucking behemoth rolling to a stop. _Great._

" Well, well. What have we here?"

" Don't get too smug, Swan. Rosalie broke my car. It didn't break down. Big difference."

" I'm sorry, what? I can barely hear you over the rumble of my finely tuned engine." _Damn, she's cute when she's sassy._ I tried to hide the smile that was slowly working it's way across my face. Bella's eyes were practically shining with glee as she enjoyed her little moment.

" Wow, I hope you can get it fixed….Hey! I know! You could kick out the floorboard and just push it along, you know, with your feet!" She wasn't even trying to hide her wicked grin. " Or, maybe we can use Big Red to pull it to the beach, have that Viking funeral and all…"

" Are you done? Can we go to school now?"

" Wait, do you expect me to give you a ride?" I couldn't hide my smile anymore. I knew how to fix that smart mouth. I grabbed her hip with one hand and the back of her neck with the other and started kissing her, hard. At first, she giggled a little in the back of her throat, but after a couple of seconds, she threw her arms around my neck. Pretty soon, we both forgot we were standing in the middle of the street, making out like….well, teenagers. We'd been doing that a lot over the past couple of days, well, not in the street, but in my car and on her sofa, mostly, and as far back as I can remember, I don't think I've ever been so fucking happy in my entire life. Kissing Bella was as close to a religious experience as anyone could ever have. It was like, as soon as we touched, there was this thing, this energy between us that just blocked out everything until we were all that was left. I couldn't even imagine how great it would be when we took it to the next level, and I knew that at some point we would, because along with this amazing connection came this feeling that I can only describe as certainty. It didn't matter to either of us that it had been less than a week. When I looked into her eyes, I knew that it was as real for her as it was for me. As long as she keeps making me feel that way, I can take as much shit as she can dish out.

After who knows how long, the blaring horn of a delivery truck reminded us that we were basically blocking the road. We both started at the sound, and then moved quickly to the front of her truck, where Bella hid her red face in my shirt and I laughed out loud at her embarrassment. After the truck passed, the driver giving me a big "thumbs up" as he drove by, Bella looked up at me, face still pink, and rested her chin on my chest. She looked up at me, all the mischief erased from her eyes and replaced with this expression, I don't know how to describe it exactly, but it made my chest ache, in a good way. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes and smiled softly for a moment and squeezed me a little tighter around the waist.

" Seriously, I'm glad you're ok. I was getting worried when Emmett called."

" I'm sorry baby." I rolled my eyes. " I didn't think they'd actually fuck with my car, but as I said, Rose can get pretty vindictive and Em said she was pretty pissed about the onion thing." I laughed a little. "I didn't mean to scare you though."

" I wasn't _scared_ so much as concerned I guess. It's just… You weren't there. I didn't like it."

" Yeah, I'm sorry I missed our morning too." I was getting ready to say something else, when she interrupted.

" If you say it's because you missed breakfast, I'm gonna kick you in the leg."

I laughed out loud. " Well, that too, but I missed doing this." I kissed her lightly on the lips. " I think I'm starting to like this little routine we've established."

" Well, we seem to be making up for it pretty well right now."

" Yeah, speaking of which, we should probably get out of the road before someone calls your Dad."

" You're like, really afraid of him, huh?"

" Afraid of him catching us kissing in the street and murdering me? Absolutely. Besides, we should get going. We're gonna be late as it is." That and, if we'd kept going, I'd have been walking in late with a raging case of blue balls.

I walked around to the passenger side of the "truck." I really fucking hated not driving, but there was no way I was even going to attempt to drive this thing. I could just envision myself snapping the steering wheel in half out of sheer frustration over its complete lack of speed, not that it'd be a bad thing, in my book, but I figured Bella wouldn't see it that way. She seemed unnaturally attached to the decaying hunk of metal in a way that seemed to go beyond the mere fact that it was a gift from her Dad, and why was a complete fucking mystery to me, but as long as she was happy, I decided to let it go, for now. Not that I planned to stopped ragging on her about it or anything. That shit was just way too much fun. At least the fucking thing didn't stink anymore. As I climbed in, I was surprised to notice that the cab actually smelled good, like something baked….

" Wait, do you have food in here?"

Bella rolled her eyes, smiling, and said nothing as she handed me something wrapped in aluminum foil.

I opened it to find three big, warm biscuits with ham and cheese inside. I'd only eaten biscuits once before when Jasper and I had snuck off to Seattle one day and he'd taken me to his favorite restaurant, _Popeye's Fried Chicken and Biscuits_. That day will live on in infamy as the time that I ate so much, I literally almost threw up. It was awesome, even though Jasper fucking laughed at me all the way home.

" You made all of these for me?"

" Well, the biscuits were frozen, so I really only had to bake them for a few minutes, but yeah, I guess….I did bake the ham though."

" What, like a whole ham? Like people do at Christmas and shit?"

" Well, yeah. I mean, you can buy them year round, ya know. And they're actually really easy to cook as long as you follow the directions. Charlie's going fishing this weekend, so I figured I could pack him a few sandwiches, and I figured you wouldn't mind eating a few."

" MIND? Try elated. I don't think I've ever actually had homemade baked ham before, but it always looks really good in movies and shit." With that, I took a bite out of one of the biscuits and began moaning as my eyes rolled back in my head. This beat the hell out of that pre-packaged stuff at the convenience store any day of the week.

" So, I guess I can take that to mean that you don't mind eating ham for breakfast AND lunch?"

" God, Hell. No." I took another large bite. " Mmmph. THO good !"

" Yeah, at first I thought it would be overkill, and then I remembered, this is you we're talking about."

I just smiled and wolfed down the other two biscuits. Just as I was finishing the third one and realizing that I didn't have anything to wash them down with, Bella reached down to the floorboard , grabbed a thermos and handed it to me. I opened it to discover coffee loaded with milk and sugar, just the way I like it. If she hadn't been driving, I think I would've grabbed her and tried to have my way with her right then and there. I just sat there staring at her for a minute as she slowed and turned into the school parking lot. It was such an insignificant thing, but it was one of those things that so clearly demonstrated how closely she was actually paying attention. It made me feel so, like, _good. _It was like…. I felt like I was…..I could almost compare it to...

" Is it too early to say I love you?" Luckily, we were pulling into a parking space at school or else with the way she slammed on brakes, we would've probably skidded into a ditch, and thank fucking God I'd put the lid back on the coffee, or I would've totally been wearing that shit. Bella threw the truck into park, turned off the ignition, and then turned and stared at me, wide eyed, mouth agape, not speaking for what seemed like an eternity. The longer she went without saying anything, the more I felt the need to back track.

" I mean, you don't have to say it back or anything. I just…." She took off her seatbelt and scooted closer to me, kneeling so that we were at eye level and grabbed the front of my shirt in both hands, staring at me intently.

" Are you being serious right now?" _She thinks I'm kidding about this?_

" Bella, yes." She didn't respond right away, and it was kinda fucking unnerving. " I'm sorry if that freaks you out. I just, I mean, I felt it, so I said it. It's too soon, right? I should've waited, given you more time to get used to this. To us, but I just wanted you to know how I felt."

" You love me?"

I just nodded in response.

" You…ok, but…..why?"

" What do you mean _why_?" I was beginning to get really concerned that I'd fucked up majorly.

" I mean, HOW can you love me? It doesn't make any sense. It's like, I'm just beginning to accept that you could even _like_ me, and you're telling me that you love me?"

I was confused. " Wait, why would you have trouble believing I could like you?"

" Well, look at you and look at me. It just doesn't make any sense."

_Shit, shit , shit! Why did I open my stupid mouth? _I was starting to panic.

" Why?" I was so afraid of her answer, but I had to know.

She just sighed and gave me an exasperated, incredulous look. " Seriously? C'mon Edward, I mean, you have to realize how ridiculously attractive you are by now, and I'm just, well, SO, you know, NOT."

Now it was my turn to sigh in irritation. " Really, are we gonna go over this again? How many times do I have to tell you how beautiful you are before you begin to see yourself clearly?"

Bella rolled her eyes. " Look, I mean, I realize that I'm not completely hideous or whatever, but I'm not beautiful either. I'm just ordinary, and I'm fine with that, but I can't pretend that I don't know what people see when they look at us together. I can't pretend that there's not some part of me that agrees when I overhear some girl asking her friend,_ What's HE doing with HER? _I mean, that's NOT me being delusional or whatever. That's what they say."

"_They _who? Jessica and Lauren?"

" Among others. It pretty much seems to be the general consensus."

" And you don't think the guys talk shit about me? You think they don't spend time in the locker room whispering about how it's totally unfair that _pretty boy assholes_ like me get all the great girls?"

Bella just scrunched her eyebrows and looked at me in disbelief.

" I swear, Bella. This is what I mean about seeing clearly. Haven't you noticed the way that Newton stares at you?"

" Well, yeah, but that's just ONE guy."

" Well, then obviously, you haven't been paying very close attention, because almost ALL of the guys stare at you that way. It's kinda fucking irritating, to tell you the truth."

Bella rolled her eyes again. " They're probably just wondering what's so special about me ,too."

" Honestly, yeah, they probably are, but not in the way that you're thinking. I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I don't know where you're coming from. I mean, yeah, I'm a good looking guy, and yeah, girls come after me all the time, and yeah, maybe you aren't obviously beautiful at first sight, but that's only because you go out of your way to hide it."

" I don't…." I put my finger over her lips.

" You might not realize it, but you totally do- the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, you totally downplay it. If you even halfway tried, you could blow Lauren and Jessica, and every fucking girl in this school entirely out of the water, and they know it. That's why they talk about you. They're jealous and pissed that you were able to get what they wanted without even trying, just by being yourself. And you know what? THAT is one of the things I love about you. I love the fact that being the prettiest girl in school is completely inconsequential to you, even though you so easily could be. But beyond that, you're also the sweetest, smartest, funniest,…" I bent my head down to her neck and kissed her there, " sexiest, coolest fucking girl I've ever met, and what's more, you're the only girl I've ever met, outside my family, that actually treats me like a real human being instead of a trophy or prize or something that I'm not. When you look at me, I know that you really see _me_. For that alone, even if you really were 'ordinary' looking, I'd be fucking crazy not to fall in love with you." I kissed her neck again, and then kissed one cheek, then the other, then her forehead, and finally her sweet lips, all the time wishing I could kiss every inch of her without stopping as her quiet, breathy moan shot straight to my dick.

She separated our lips and I rested my forehead on hers as she sighed and played with the hair on the back of my neck.

" So, you really do love me then?"

" I'd spend all day showing you if you'd let me." My hand found it's way under her shirt to the bare skin at the small of her back. She shuddered as my fingers traced her lower spine and her hands that had been holding my biceps slid up my shoulders as she wrapped her arms around my neck, molding her warm little body against mine as she whispered in my ear, " Ya know, suddenly, I'm feeling kinda sick. I think we should go back to my house and see if you can't make me feel better."

I kissed her long and hard before replying, " I think that's the best fucking idea I've ever heard in my life."

...

**Oooooh. Are they gonna DO it? I'll never tell. But I will say this: If you are morally opposed and/or too young to be reading stories that involve people kissing without their clothes on (among other things), then you should probably get off the bus here. I'm not gonna lay down a disclaimer every time these kids get down and dirty, because personally, I think it's more fun when you don't always see it coming.**


	9. Weird but true stories

**A/N: Don't own it, just the idea behind this story, a Seagull, which I use to play the Johnny Cash version of " I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" whenever I have writer's block( I'm getting pretty good at it :P), and a pen made out of a turkey feather. No turkeys were harmed by me in the making of my pen. I found the feather on the ground, not on a turkey. This chapter was a bitch for me to write, which is why this update has taken so long. My bad, but I hope it's worth the wait. Sort of a big reveal in this chapter. Hope some of you are still hanging in there. Oh and remember kids, when life gives you lemons, take notes.**

Destiny, thy name is Emmett…..whatever his last name is. The stars had somehow aligned themselves, and with Emmett's little prank as the catalyst, we discovered that we'd been presented with the opportunity to spend all of Friday and Saturday holed up in my house, alone. I'd already known that Charlie was going away fishing til Sunday, and it was easy to convince him that my sudden onset of illness was only a minor cold and that I'd be fine alone. I "know" it's wrong to lie to your parents or whatever, but it was nice to actually feel like the teenager that I was for once as the cover story rolled effortlessly off my tongue. Charlie seemed none the wiser, and Edward watched me deliver my monologue with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, seemingly impressed by my performance. Whatever. Not all of us have the incredible luck to have parents who basically let us do whatever we want without question. Apparently, the opposite was true for Edward. This is how Edward's conversation with HIS dad went:

"Hey Carlisle. Are you guys on your way to Seattle right now?….. Ok. Will you all be back on Sunday?…..Um, I'll tell you later. So, anyway, in case you get a phone call, I'm not at school today…..Um_, _no I'm fine. Just...something came up…."He turned around and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at me, causing me to slap him on the chest. He fell back on my pillows dramatically, feigning injury and rubbing his chest. I could hear Carlisle asking him something. " Oh, that was my friend messing around….Yes, I have a friend….. It's a recent development….Yeah….Um, yeah…" I watched him blush in embarrassment and smile softly at whatever Carlisle was asking. Carlisle said something else, and Edward's mouth turned down a little and his eyebrows creased. " No, it's nothing like before. It's not-she's not like that, at all…." He listened for a minute, his face softening again. " I know, Dad….Yeah. I know…..Tell her not to worry…..Me too…..Ok." As he hung up the phone and sank back down on my pillows, watching me, I wanted _so badly _to know what he meant by _nothing like before_, but as I stared at him on my bed, I also knew that I didn't want to do anything to screw up this perfect moment that we couldn't have planned better if we'd tried, so instead of trying to ask the hard questions right up front, I lay down on my side, facing him, and took his hand and began tracing his knuckles with the tip of my finger.

" So, just like that? They're fine with you skipping school and staying here with me?"

" Yep. They're usually ok with whatever I do, as long as it's not potentially life-threatening. Neither one of them had much in the way of family growing up. Typical neglectful rich parents and all that bullshit, so they're pretty lax when it comes to their own kids. They just want us to be happy. I mean, they worry, but they choose to trust us."

" Mm, must be nice. My parents would freak. Typical middle class, I-got-knocked-up-when-I-was-eighteen-so-I-expect-better-from-you …..stuff, I guess."

" Huh, Esme was twenty when my parents had me, and they never made a big deal of it. Probably a little different though, seeing as how they were both millionaires already."

" Uh, yeah, I'm guessing that makes something of a difference. Wait…I thought you were the youngest."

Edward stared at me with a leery expression for a couple of seconds before answering. " Um, yeah I am…Well, chronologically, it's Rose, Alice, then me, but I was their first."

I just looked at him, confused, as he went on to explain.

" Rose and Alice were adopted. Rosalie was Esme's aunt's kid, and she died, so they adopted her when she was five, a month after they had me, and then when I was five, Alice found us."

" What do you mean, she _found_ you?"

" I mean it exactly the way it sounds. The details are kinda fuzzy, but I remember the first time I saw her. We were at the zoo, sitting on a bench, eating ice cream and staring at the monkeys and shit, and Rose was whining and bitching, because that's all she ever did when we were kids, and all of a sudden, this scrawny, dirty little kid comes flying up to us out of nowhere and just leaps onto Carlisle and yells, 'I dreamed about you! You're going to be my Daddy!' Scared the hell out of me. I dropped my ice cream, so I started to cry, and then these two ladies walked up with a bunch of other kids to get Alice, and then SHE started to cry, and then Rose started throwing a screaming bitch fit cuz no one was paying her any attention….It was crazy…Apparently, Alice had been in the foster care system since she was like, two, and she was hard to place, because she was considered 'special' ,or whatever. Carlisle and Esme claim that they fell in love with her at first sight, and the rest is history. All I really remember is how devastated I was when my ice cream hit the ground, cuz we like, NEVER got ice cream, but it was really hot that day so Carlisle had gone to bat for us and talked Esme into letting us have some, and I'd only taken like, two bites of it…"

" Yeah, I can totally see you focusing on THAT."

" I was five!"

" Uh huh. So, how old was Alice?"

" Um, about eight ,I guess."

" That's so…wow. What did she mean that she'd DREAMED about Carlisle being her dad?"

Edward just stared at me for a second, and I could've sworn his eyes were a little frightened as he seemingly debated over whether he should tell me more. I hated that even a small part of him was afraid to tell me anything, so as he'd done to me so many times, I reached up and cupped his face in my hand, rubbing my thumb across his cheek, saying nothing while I waited for him to tell me what he could. He closed his eyes and sighed as he reached up and covered my hand with his own. He left it there for a moment, and then lifted my hand and kissed my palm and then put our clasped hands to his chest and smiled softly at me.

" Is it that bad?"

He smiled a little wider and rolled his eyes. " I guess it not _bad_, per se….Just kinda weird, maybe? I don't know. I guess I'm just a little worried that you're gonna go running for the hills or something. It's just a little much for some people to process."

" Well, in all honesty, I'm kinda dying to know over here. I've always been more curious than cautious anyway, so unless you're like, an entire family of serial killers or slave traders or something, there's very little you could say that would freak me out, ok? And, I promise that I won't run away screaming. I'm with you because of YOU, not your family, and I'll accept every part of you, no matter what." At that, he smiled again, and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it. Then, sighing again, he said, " Ok….where were we?"

" Alice's dreams."

" Well, yeah, um, you know how I said she was considered 'special'? I nodded.

" Well, as a kid, Alice was misdiagnosed with every psychological disorder under the sun because she has these moments where she zones out, and she says that while she's like this, she has dreams…."

" And the dreams come true.", I whispered in mild shock and disbelief.

" Uh huh." Edward's eyebrows scrunched his eyebrows as he gauged my reaction.

" For real? I mean, she really has prophetic dreams?"

" Yep."

" Wow. Does she do that….a lot?"

" Um, pretty often, I guess, but most of the time, it's just little stuff. Like, she'll dream about finding a dress she wants, or she'll know what we're having for dinner that night-stuff like that. Other times, it's big stuff, like getting adopted, or like Jasper. She swears that she dreamed about the image of his face for years before she met him."

" Does she ever have dreams about stuff happening to other people?"

" Uh, yeah, but more often than not, they don't make sense until after the fact. So, not exactly helpful", he huffed, staring down at our hands, obviously recollecting something unpleasant . I bit my lip to keep from asking, choosing another question instead.

" So, do you think she saw me coming?" At that, he smiled.

" I'm not sure. She and Jasper have been in India for three months, so I haven't talked to her, but if she did dream about us, she probably didn't believe it. I'm still trying to accept the fact that you're more than a dream myself." I just blushed and rolled my eyes, and he grazed my heated cheek with a thumb. We lay there quietly for a couple of minutes, him staring at me, and me staring at our joined hands, before he spoke again.

" Actually…there's more."

" More than a psychic sister?"

" Yeah, and probably a little harder to believe." I raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

" Ok, well, I've gotta hear this."

" Yeah, well, since you're gonna meet them all on Sunday, you should probably be debriefed…You know how I said that Esme doesn't make Jasper eat all that vegan stuff she cooks, and how he gets to do pretty much whatever he wants, and I said I didn't know why?"

" Um, yeah?"

" Well, that's not entirely true. I guess I kinda do know why…He's, um, ok, let me just tell his story from the beginning. Ok, so, two years ago, Jasper shows up on our doorstep…..looking for a sister that he didn't know about until after his father had died, and he'd found some papers that revealed his and his father's real identities. Apparently, his father had kidnapped him when he was a baby and had both of their names changed, because evidently, the guy was some sort of embezzler on the run or something and he had a wife, a baby daughter, and a girlfriend on the side, Jasper's mother. The guy was seriously fucked up- Jasper had a pretty rough childhood. He was told that his mom never wanted him, and his dad was basically a violent drunk who couldn't even hold down the odd job here and there, so Jasper basically grew up on the streets of Texas, having to fend for himself, and apparently, he got involved with some gangs and stuff. He doesn't really talk about it, but I can tell he's seen some crazy shit. Anyway, his dad basically drank himself into an early grave, and after he died, Jazz went through all of his stuff, trying to find either some money, or something he could sell, and he finds these papers, which basically reveal that his entire life has been some huge, fucked up lie, so he goes to the town where his dad's wife lived, and somehow, he miraculously finds some old neighbor lady who knew Rose's mom, and she points him in our direction, and there you go."

" So Rose is actually Jasper's sister? Wow. That's just….wow. Poor Jasper."

" Yeah, no kidding, but that's not all."" You mean there's MORE?"

" Pshhh, I haven't even gotten to the best part."

" Well then, by all means…" I gave him a little nod, signifying that I wanted him to continue.

" Well, Jasper shows up with his story, and of course, my parents both feel really sorry for him, and they insist that he moves in with us. Rose, on the other hand, wasn't so quick to believe him and wanted some kind of proof, so Jasper gives the papers to Carlisle, and as he's reading over them, Esme's reading over his shoulder, and when she gets to the actual name of Jasper's dad, she like, crumples to the ground, crying hysterically." Edward stopped then and cleared his throat, and looked at me, apparently trying to figure out if I was processing everything. I was absolutely riveted, so I nodded for him to continue. He smiled a little and continued his story.

"When Esme was 16, she met one of her father's business associates, Garrett Hale, at a barbecue that her parents were hosting, and she fell in love with him, even though he was way older than her. They snuck around for a while, and he promised her that as soon as she turned 18, they'd run away together and all that shit. And then, one of the maids saw him sneaking out of the house one night . It turned out the maid knew Garrett, and since the maid really liked Esme, she decided to tell her the truth, that Garrett was married with a baby. Of course, Esme was devastated, and she broke it off with him and refused to see him anymore. Then, she found out she was pregnant. She didn't tell anyone and hid it from her parents for as long as she could, because she knew they'd try to force her to get an abortion. Eventually it became too obvious to hide, and when they realized what was up, they freaked, but there wasn't much they could do at that point, so they just made her quit school and basically kept her shut up in the house. Esme begged them to let her keep the baby, and they agreed that she could as long as she didn't tell anyone and never left the house. Basically, as long as she didn't embarrass them in front of their friends, they didn't give a shit. She says that as soon as she saw his face, that she never regretted a moment of it. She was perfectly happy to stay home and be a Mom.

And then, in one night, everything went to hell. Garrett, who was evidently about to go to jail for stealing from his clients, showed up at her house drunk, or high, or both, begging her to run away with him. Of course, she was terrified and refused to leave with him, and when she did that, he went berserk and just beat the shit out of her until she was unconscious, and then her parents must've heard the commotion from the other side of the house, and came to see what was going on, and when they walked into Esme's room, he pulled a pistol out of his coat and shot both of them. The baby was in his bassinet by Esme's bed the whole time, and I guess Garrett must've figured out that the baby was his, so he took the baby and ran.

When Esme woke up in the hospital three days later, her parents were dead and her baby was missing and presumed dead. Esme was devastated. She wouldn't eat or drink or talk to anyone. She says that at that point, she was ready to just give up and die, and then she met Carlisle. He was just out of med school and she was his patient. He says that he fell in love with her the moment he saw her and decided to help her anyway he could, so he started spending all of his free time talking to her, and they bonded over her tragedy and their fucked up childhoods, and eventually, she fell in love with him too. He helped her through her recovery, and even hired a private investigator to try and help find her missing baby, but Garrett had disappeared without a trace, and she would never hear any news about her child until the day he showed up on her doorstep." Edward stopped talking then and looked at me, obviously waiting to see what I would say. I have to admit, I was a little stunned. I mean, the story he told was like, straight from the plot of a cheesy mystery novel, and yet, it was true. I didn't know what to make of it, and the only thing I could think of was more questions.

" Ok, so Esme is actually Jasper's MOM?"

" Yep."

" And Jasper is also Rosalie's brother…."

"Yeah."

" And Rosalie is actually Esme's cousin…"

" Uh huh."

" Ok, but wait….how did Esme not know that she was fooling around with her aunt's husband?"

" I asked the same thing. I told you her parents didn't pay much attention to her while she was growing up….Her aunt was her father's half sister and much younger than him, but they were the only two children, and they were never really close. The only reason that Esme ever learned that she even had an aunt was because Esme's father had been listed as her aunt's only relative, and when she died, her lawyer went looking for Esme's father and, luckily for Rose, found Esme instead. Turns out, the only reason Esme's father had even been working with Garrett in the first place was as a favor to his sister."

" Wow, so Garrett had actually technically been fooling around with his niece?"

" Well, by marriage, but yeah."

" What an asshole."

" No shit."

" And so, if he was drunk and stuff all the time, how did baby Jasper survive?"

" I asked Jasper that, and he said that a Mexican woman named Maria took care of him until he was about six, and then one day, she just disappeared. He wouldn't elaborate beyond that."

" God, that's so awful. That's like the most awful, strange, miraculous story I've ever heard in my life."

" Miraculous?"

" Well, yeah. I mean, Jasper never had any real family growing up, and he shows up one day looking for a sister and finds a whole family instead, and Esme, who spent years searching and grieving for her lost baby boy, unknowingly adopts his sister out of pure kindness, and as a result, he finds her . That's just….amazing."

" So, you're not freaked out then?"

" Well, yeah, a little, but not in a bad way….. I feel like I need a diagram….Ok, let me say it out loud to make sure I've got it….Ok, Jasper is yours and Rose's brother, and Rose is your adopted sister, but also your second cousin, and Alice is your adopted sister who's dating your biological brother."

" That about sums it up. Ya know, I actually forget most of the time that Jasper is actually my brother. I mean, Alice pretty much laid claim to him the second she saw him, so between her and Esme, I'm lucky to get in an hour. But even so, it's pretty weird to think about, cuz I've only known the guy like, a year and a half. It's my life, and even I can't wrap my own mind around it…. Any more questions?"

" Any chance that Emmett and Alice are actually Carlisle's biological children? Cuz, that would kinda complete the circle."

Edward smiled at this and replied, " Well, anything's possible, I guess. At this point, I would rule out nothing."

" No shit. I feel so boring now. You should write a book or something."

" Nah. People freak out enough about what they think they know. No reason to add fuel to the fire."

" Well, I think it's pretty cool, personally."

Edward smiled at me softly." That's cuz you're a weirdo." I poked him lightly in the stomach, and he laughed lightly and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers together.

" So…..we're all alone for almost two whole days." He smiled and stared down at my lips.

" Yeah.", I whispered, trying to will away the anxiety that I suddenly felt creeping into my stomach. But it obviously didn't work, because Edward scrunched his eyebrows as he took in my expression.

" Bella, you know that we don't HAVE to do anything, right? I don't want you to think you have to just because I told you I love you, or…."

" No, no. I DO want to, and when we were back in the truck, I REALLY, REALLY wanted to. I just….God, this is embarrassing….I don't, um, know how to do….anything. I mean, I understand the mechanics and what not, but I've never actually DONE any of that stuff, and I don't know what to do or if I'm doing it right…." All of the blood in my body felt like it was in my face, and I couldn't even look at Edward.

" So, you've never…." I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed.

" I'd never even kissed anyone until Monday."

" Wow, seriously?" I nodded, still not looking.

" Well, shit, if that's how you kiss when you DON'T know what you're doing, I can't wait to see how good you get with practice. I might not be able to handle it." I opened one eye and looked at him, and he's was looking back at me with mischievous eyes and biting his bottom lip.

" Shut up.", I said, smiling.

" I'm serious! If you didn't drive me crazy already…..damn." I didn't respond right away, choosing instead to bury my face in his chest and inhale his comforting scent as he smelled my hair and then kissed the top of my head. He then started to softly stroke my back, making me shiver. We lay like that for a couple of minutes before he spoke again.

" We can go as slow as you need to, do as little or as much as you want. I don't care, I just wanna be with you."_ Yeah, right. _I lifted my face and raised an eyebrow at him.

" Really."

He smiled and rubbed a thumb across my bottom lip." Yep."

" So, after I talked you into skipping school with the prospect of fooling around, you'd be perfectly fine with me deciding that we're just gonna hang out?"

" Well, I mean, I wouldn't be ecstatic about it or anything, but I'd accept it."

" Ok, so like, what if I decided I didn't want to have sex until I got married?"

" Well, then I'd ask you to marry me tomorrow."

" I slapped his chest lightly. " Shut up Edward." He laughed lightly.

" Seriously? I'd spend all of my free time trying to think of ways to change your mind, but I would accept it."

" Really?"

" Yeah."

" Well, you're a better person than me then, cuz I'd be pissed." Edward laughed again.

" Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm not that guy. I wouldn't want you to buy the cow without trying the milk first." I snorted into his chest, and then sighed as he started rubbing lightly up and down my back again.

" As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not that experienced myself."

" Yeah, but you've…..haven't you?"

" Well, yeah, but only with one person, and it's not like we did it every day. I've probably done it, eight times at the most. If anything, I probably learned more watching internet porn than engaging in the act itself."

" Really? Do you do that….a lot?"

" I'm a seventeen year old guy….You've never watched it?"

" Nah. My Mom would've teased me so bad if she caught me doing it, and Charlie? Yeah. No. I mean I've read about it in magazines and books and stuff, but I've never, um, seen it done. I just…what if we just took it a step at a time? Maybe you could show me, or something? I don't, I just….."

" Ok, what makes you the most nervous about this situation?" I looked at him and thought about that for a moment. Was it him that made me nervous? No. In fact, his presence was comforting to me. He calmed me, if anything. I definitely couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else. So, was I nervous because I was afraid I'd mess up and look silly? A little. Ok, yeah, that was a big part of it. I didn't want to do something silly that would ruin the moment, or worse, end up hurting him somehow. I mean, I'd never even seen a penis before, let alone touched one.

" Honestly, I think I'm afraid of the pain aspect."

" Yeah, they say it does hurt the first time, but I'll be as careful as I can."

" Yeah, but what if I accidentally hurt you, or something? I've never, you know, held one, or anything…."

Edward laughed a little at that. " Ok, the main rule there, is don't bend it or bite it, and take it easy on the balls. As long as you remember those three things, we can work on the rest. As for you, well, why don't we just go ahead and take actual sex off the table for this weekend? I think that it'll be better if we work our way up to that and give you more time to get use to us being together that way. Besides, there are plenty of other things that we can do." With those words, he bent his head down and kissed the side of my neck, causing me to sigh.

" And, you're ok with that?" I whispered.

" Are you kidding? I'm beyond ok. I'm ecstatic." He paused and just stared at me intently for a moment. " There is one thing I wanna do first though." He lightly traced my collarbone and whispered, " I wanna see you." He slid his hand down a little and unbuttoned the first button of my shirt, and then lightly drew a circle on the skin underneath. " Will you let me see you?" He bent down and kissed the newly bared spot on my chest, causing me to shiver. I'll admit, I was slightly embarrassed at the idea of him seeing me completely naked in broad daylight, but as he lightly ran his nose from the place he'd just kissed up to my neck, where he kissed me again, the anticipation that came with wondering how good it would feel to have him touch me like that everywhere began to override that embarrassment. The sensation of his warm breath on my skin completely robbed me of the ability to speak, so I lightly nodded my head instead.

At that, I felt Edward smile against my neck as he began kissing his way down to my second button. As he made his way down, he lightly kissed every patch of skin that he revealed. By the time he got to the bottom of my shirt, every bit of my self consciousness began to melt away, replaced by a tingling sensation that seemed to override all of my other senses. As he pulled my shirt open, ghosting a trail across my ribs that his mouth followed with wet kisses, everything seemed to vanish until there was only him. He looked up for a moment and just looked at me, and part of me panicked a little at what he must think of me in my plain old blue cotton bra, but before I could dwell on it too much, he started kissing my stomach above my belly button, and then kissed a path up between my breasts and back up to my neck, before cupping my face in his hand and kissing me on the lips. I felt warm in every place that his lips had been as he sat me up gently, slid his hands to my shirt and eased it down my shoulders and off completely, and I barely registered what I was doing as I put my hand on his face and deepened the kiss, parting his lips with my tongue, using my tongue to show him what his touch was doing to me. I felt the heat grow between my legs as he moaned in the back of his throat and his hands trailed from my wrists, up my arms, and to my breasts. As he ran his thumbs across my nipples, I felt them both harden and I heard a whimper that I'm pretty sure was me. He kissed me harder then, and gently eased me back over on my back as he pulled the straps of my bra down. Edward drew in a sharp breath as my breasts came free of the fabric, and he stared at my exposed chest for a minute before looking up at me, his eyes a brighter shade of green than I'd ever seen, and kissed me hard for a minute, and then resting his forehead on my said, " Unhook your bra, baby. I wanna see all of you."

With shaky hands, I reached back on unhooked the clasp, and Edward grabbed my bra, throwing it on the floor.

He stared at my bare breasts for a second, his eyes intense, and then kissed me at the spot right over my heart. Then he kissed his way down in between my breasts and over to my right nipple, which was already hard. He kissed it lightly at first, and then, looking up at me, took it into his mouth and suckled, twirling his tongue around the tip. The feeling of his tongue on me sent an electric jolt straight down my spine, causing my hips to come off the bed seeking contact. As if in response to this, Edward quickly unbuttoned my jeans, and then whispered, "Lift your hips, baby." He pulled my jeans down and then off, leaving me in nothing but my panties, which he then proceeded to grab the sides of. He looked up at me, as if asking for permission, and I nodded slightly, letting him know that I was okay. He pulled them down and off gently, throwing them to the floor with the rest of my clothes, and then he just sat there on his knees, staring at me with an expression of awe for a moment before taking off his own shirt and throwing it on top of mine. His body was as beautiful as his face, muscular, but not overly defined, and just a little bronze hair on his chest and abdomen. I felt my face flush as he continued to stare, a small smile playing on his lips. As he got on all fours and came back to me, I felt the flush creep all the way down my body.

As he lay back down beside me, he took my face in his hand again and kissed me deeply. Then he whispered, " Bella, you are so fucking beautiful. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

The look on his face almost brought tears to my eyes as I recognized the sincerity in his, and I leaned up and captured his lips in mine for a moment, and then whispered against his mouth, " I love you." At that, he crushed my lips in a kiss and slid his hand down to my left breast where he started circling my nipple with the tip of his finger before pinching it lightly. I gasped as his lips left mine and quickly covered my other nipple as he twirled around with his tongue like before. My hands shot up of their own volition and tangled themselves in his hair, clutching a handful on each side. He grunted a little as I accidentally pulled kinda hard, and my hands immediately relaxed their hold a little. " Sorry!", I whispered, as I lightly raked the nails of my left hand back and forth on the side of his scalp, causing him to moan softly. Almost as if in response, his hand slid away from my breast and down my stomach, past my belly button. As he reached his destination, his fingers ran lightly over the small patch of hair between my legs, causing me to moan a little. He brought his lips back up to mine and began to kiss me as he continued to gently stroke me with the back of his fingers. He broke the kiss and just watched my face as he turned his hand over and rubbed my mound with a little more pressure, causing me to whimper.

" Are you ok?" All I could do was nod in response as I stared into his eyes. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he slid his middle finger onto my clit and started circling slowly. I moaned as my hips pushed into his hand.

" God baby, you're so wet. You feel so good." He bent his head down and kissed me, and the combined sensation of his fingers and his tongue on mine made me moan loudly into his mouth as I gyrated to the rhythm of his finger. His light, teasing touch was driving me insane, and every nerve ending in my body was screaming for him to just push a little harder. I tore my mouth away from his and threw my head back moaning. Somehow, I was able to breathe out , " More", which came out in a half moan/ whimper.

" You want more beautiful girl? Does that feel good baby?" I moaned in response as he added just a little more pressure and speed, causing a tension in my belly that seemed to be spreading to every part of my body.

" How is that?" Edward whispered. " How about a little more?" he asked, picking up the pace even more and causing the muscles in my thighs to clinch as my hips jerked upward. The tension was getting stronger, causing me to feel hot and cold at the same time. I couldn't control the sounds escaping my mouth as the tingling spread all over my body. I reached my hands up and grabbed his biceps, lifting my shoulders off the bed and hanging on for dear life as I began to lose control of my senses.

" That's it. I wanna see you come, sweet girl. Come on my hand." That was all it took to send me over the edge. I leaned my head into his chest and clung to his biceps even harder as I came apart, moaning loudly.

After I peaked, he took his finger off my clit and started rubbing my lips lightly. When he stroked upward and accidentally grazed my clit, it shot a jolt through my body and I grabbed his wrist to stop his hand from moving. Getting the hint, he took his hand and rested it on my thigh and then kissed me softly on the lips, grinning smugly.

" So that was ok, I take it?" He ran the tip of his nose up along the side of my neck, causing me to twitch a little as all the muscles in my body seemed to lightly spasm.

" Mmmmm" was the only semi-coherent response I could make. Edward chuckled a little.

" Are you alright, baby?" I smiled and nuzzled into his chest and he wrapped both arms around me.

" Mmmmm." Edward chuckled again and slid one hand down to my ass, which he squeezed lightly.

" That was fucking amazing to watch. I can't wait to do it again. God, just….your face….You're so beautiful." To emphasize his point, he ground his jean-covered erection against my naked thigh, which snapped me back to reality.

" Oh crap, I'm sorry…" I was mortified at my selfishness.

" What? Why are you sorry?" Edward immediately began to look concerned.

" Well, because, you're still…..we didn't, or I didn't….what you were doing felt so good, that I forgot about you…" I bit my lip as a blushed in embarrassment. God, I was so terrible at this. I couldn't even look at him. I felt Edward's warm breath on the top of my head as he huffed out a laugh.

" Bella, look at me." , he commanded, his voice full of amusement.

" That was all me. I did that on purpose. Why do you think I'm still wearing pants?"

I looked up at him confused. " Well, I thought maybe you wanted me to do that."

Edward chuckled again. " Well, yeah, I mean, I do, but I wanted to make you feel good first before focusing on me, and I knew if the jeans came off, I might not be able to control myself. Jesus, I almost came in my pants as it is, with the sexy fucking show you put on." I blushed and hid my head back in his chest.

Edward gently grabbed my chin and lifted my face back up." I'm totally serious. I'll never forget that shit as long as I live." Then he kissed me hard and ground himself into me as his tongue entered my mouth, causing that now familiar tension to start building again. I pulled my head back and looked into his eyes.

" I want to make you feel good too. Will you show me how?" I reached down and lightly palmed the bulge in his pants, and he closed his eyes and groaned loudly.

" God….fuck….yes.", he managed to breath out. " But I've gotta tell you- I don't think I'm gonna last very long at this point."

" That's fine. I don't care. Just…..what do I do first?"

" Well, um, you don't happen to have any lotion do you?" I thought for a minute.

" I don't use lotion, but I have the body oil that I put on in the shower…."

" Ungh, Fuck! Yes, please! But hurry!" , Edward half laughed/ half groaned.

I giggled a little and jumped of the bed to go and get it. As I ran to the bathroom to fetch it, I vaguely heard Edward say behind me, "….the death of me…."

**Yeah, I'm stopping there. I see no reason not to drag out the sexy times for a couple of chapters. They DO have the weekend, after all. The next chapter shouldn't take so long . I've already started on it, and I have it mostly mapped out in my head.**


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